All the King's Horses
by unwittysidekick
Summary: After Harm intervenes in a moment of crisis, Loren attempts to put the pieces of her life back together.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

0023 local time  
Washington DC

_I'm not a thief and I don't lie.__  
_  
Loren's words from so long ago echoed through Harm's head as he stormed along on the dimly lit bridge. After leaving Loren earlier he'd decided against going home, choosing instead to go for a walk to try to clear his head. It hadn't worked out quite like he'd thought it would. He was more mad at himself now than her, mad that he hadn't believed her when she'd told him the baby wasn't Sergei's. In his haste to jump to conclusions he'd forgotten those words, forgotten that whatever else she had done over the years she had never lied to him.

In his anger he didn't watch his steps as carefully as he should have and slipped, not for the first time that night, on a patch of ice. Pinwheeling his arms, he fought to regain his balance and keep from falling. Once he had regained his footing he glanced around, reflexively checking for witnesses.

He was surprised to find that he wasn't the only one out, despite the late hour, and apparently he wasn't the only one unsteady on their feet that night. Further down the bridge a man was helping his companion, who _had_ fallen, up from the ground.

Harm frowned. There was something wrong about the way he was lifting her up. Then it hit him.

"Hey!" Harm started running towards them, heedless of the possibility of falling, in his haste to reach them before it was too late.

At his shout the man half turned and when he saw Harm coming towards him, dropped his companion back to the ground and took off. In the dim lighting Harm was unable to get a good look at his face but the three stripes on his sleeves spoke volumes. For a second Harm considered chasing after him but then he noticed the blood on the railing. Glancing down he saw more blood pooling around the woman's head. He crouched down to check for a pulse and in the process got his first good look at her face.

"Loren!"

Harm glanced in the direction her companion had taken off in but the man had already disappeared. He turned back to Loren, his fingers seeking out a pulse. He breathed a sigh of relief when he found one, noting also the faint rise and fall of her chest. Harm quickly removed his overcoat and tucked it around her upper body in an attempt to keep her warm. Then he pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed 911. The dispatcher answered on the second ring.

"I need an ambulance. It's an emergency!"

After giving the man their location, Harm did his best to answer his questions about Loren's condition. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the dispatcher spoke the words Harm had been waiting to hear.

"Sir, the paramedics are less than five minutes from your location." A pause. "Would you like me to remain on the line with you till they arrive?"

Harm doesn't answer, though, his full attention once again back on Loren. He noticed the pool of blood around her head was still expanding. The dispatcher had warned him not to do anything to move her while waiting for the paramedics, not that he had intended to anyway, but he needed to do something to stop the blood flow now. Not having anything else, he tore one of the sleeves off of his jacket and carefully worked it under her head to where the blood appeared to be coming from.

In the distance he heard the faint sound of approaching sirens.

"Hang in there Loren. Help is on the way."


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

A/N: At last, the long (long) awaited next chapter. My extreme apologies for the extended wait on this. Hope you enjoy it. :)

0118 local time  
Angels of Mercy Hospital  
Washington DC

Harm pressed his face closer to the glass of the window looking into the trauma room, resting his forehead on the arm he had pressed against the window as he tried to get a better view of the doctors and nurses working on Loren. They had been working on her for almost twenty minutes now. As Harm watched, one of the nurses pulled out equipment to do an ultra-sound. He watched her move the instrument around over Loren's stomach. He couldn't see the monitor from his angle but from the expression on the woman's face it wasn't good. She set the equipment aside and said something to one of the doctors who nodded his head, acknowledging her words.

Peeling off his gloves, the doctor pushed through the swinging double doors and stepped out into the hallway while the others finished up what they were doing. With one last look at Loren, Harm turned to face the man.

"We've managed to get her stabilized, Commander, so she's no longer in any immediate danger."

Harm breathed a sigh of relief. "So she's going to be okay?"

"It's still too early to tell. There is a matter of some internal swelling. Not unusual in traumas like this one, but it means we won't be able to tell if there's any permanent brain damage till the swelling goes down and she wakes up. If she wakes up."

Harm stumbled back a step, as if physically struck. Looking over the doctor's shoulder, Harm watched as a pair of nurses pushed Loren's gurney out of the trauma room and down the hall, heading deeper into the hospital. Frowning, Harm focused back on the man in front of him.

"Where are they taking her?"

The doctor hesitated before reaching out to grip Harm's shoulder in what was meant to be a comforting gesture, and Harm felt his heart sink further.

"They're taking her up to surgery. We weren't able to detect any fetal heartbeat. I'm sorry, but she lost the baby."

Harm could only nod, having half-expected that to be the case after seeing the nurse's reaction to the ultra-sound.

"Can I go with her?"

The doctor shook his head. "Hospital staff only at this point, I'm afraid. Besides, I think there's some people who want to talk to you."

He nodded his head towards something behind Harm and Harm turned around just in time to see the lady at the admittance desk point a couple of DC cops in his direction.

"Don't worry, your girlfriend is in good hands. We'll let you know as soon as she's out of surgery. Now, if you'll excuse me..."

Shocked by the doctor's words, Harm turned back, intending to correct his mistaken assumption but the man was already heading down the hall after his patient.

"Commander...Rabb is it?"

Harm spun back around as the two men approached him. He watched them give him a quick once over as they walked up. He wasn't at all surprised given how he looked at the moment. His coat was gone, no doubt disposed of by the paramedics, and there was blood nearly up to his elbows on the sleeves of his shirt. He'd also torn open one of his pant legs at the knee, although he didn't remember how that had happened. He scratched idly at his cheek. He had somehow gotten some of Loren's blood on his face as well and as it dried it was starting to itch.

The taller of the two men stuck out his hand when they stopped in front of him and Harm grasped it briefly but firmly. "I'm Detective Patricks, this is my partner Detective Burton. We need to ask you some questions about what happened."

"Of course. Whatever you need."

Detective Burton gestured for them all to step off to the side so they went over to a quiet corner, out of the way of the hospital staff.

Harm was almost finished giving his account of what he had seen when two men walked up to them. Without a word one of them reached out and grabbed the notepad Detective Burton had been jotting things down in. He glanced briefly at a page or two before closing it and sticking it in the inside pocket of his jacket.

"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?"

The man and his partner flashed their IDs.

"Agents Coltier and Damson, NCIS." The first man said. "We'll take it from here."

For a moment Harm thought the two DC cops would argue. But then, with disgusted looks on their faces and a few words muttered under their breath about Navy cops, they turned and left.

"So Commander Rabb, tell us about your argument with Lieutenant Singer at Benzinger's."

Harm blinked, caught off guard by the unexpected question. "Wow you guys work fast."

"Well, your, ah, disagreement was enough of a disturbance that the bartender called the MPs. Unfortunately, they got there too late. The two of you had already left. They did get fairly accurate descriptions of both parties, though. Descriptions that, a few hours later, matched the descriptions of an assault victim and her supposed rescuer."

"I don't think I like where you're going with this."

"And I don't think I like all the coincidences I'm seeing here."

The two men glared at each other, both unwilling to give an inch, until the second NCIS agent not so subtly cleared his throat, breaking the tension for the moment. Harm looked away, trying to reign in his temper. Getting into it with the lead investigator wasn't going to do anything to help Loren.

"Yes, Loren and I fought earlier." Harm finally said through gritted teeth. "And it did get a little out of hand. But I didn't do this to her. I was going for a walk to try to clear my head when I happened to come across her and her attacker. Thank goodness I did or whoever it was would have succeeded in dumping her into the river."  
_  
And who knows how long it would have taken us to even realize she was missing._Harm thought with remorse.

Agent Coltier just stared at him, still looking like he didn't believe a word Harm said.

"So you're going to stick with that story?"

"It's the truth. If you're going to charge me with something, charge me already. Otherwise stop wasting time and go find the person who actually did this."

Again the two men glared at each other. And again, after a minute or two, Agent Damson broke the tension, this time by addressing Harm.

"I'm sure we'll have more questions for you as the investigation proceeds Commander. We'll be in touch. But in the meantime, don't go anywhere."

"Wouldn't dream of it."

The two men turned and walked off, looking to find the hospital staff that had been working on Loren in order to interview them. Harm stared after them for a minute before turning in the opposite direction to go and find a place to wait for news of Loren.

* * *

Now dressed in a pair of hospital scrubs he'd borrowed from a sympathetic orderly, Harm stood next to Loren's bedside and stared down at her. There were bandages wrapped around her head, and her face, pale from the loss of blood, seemed even paler against the white hospital sheets. The room was quiet, save for the occasional beeping noise coming from one of the machines she was hooked up to.

A lock of hair had somehow worked its way free of the bandages and Harm reached out to brush it off her face before brushing his thumb lightly over her cheek. He felt something stirring inside at the sight of the unconscious young woman in front of him but he pushed it away before he could examine it too closely.

"You can talk to her. It helps. Lets them know they're not alone."

Harm flinched, pulling his hand back at the unexpected voice. He turned his head to see a nurse standing in the doorway. She walked over to the other side of the bed and started checking on Loren's IV.

"I...thank you. I'll remember that."

She looked up and smiled at him, then went back to what she was doing. Harm watched as she made an adjustment to the IV before pulling out a syringe and injecting something directly into the IV catheter. She waited a minute, then made a note of Loren's vitals. When she finished, she left without another word.

Once she was gone, Harm sat down, pulling the chair closer to the bed. He took Loren's small hand in his larger one. He didn't say anything for a long time, uncertain what to say; uncertain Loren would even _want _him saying anything to her given everything that had passed between the two of them. Finally, though, he couldn't take the silence anymore.

"I'm sorry Loren. I'm sorry for the things I said, for not believing you. I'm sorry if that somehow led to you being here, like this." Harm paused, running his thumb lightly over the back of her hand. "But you're safe now. And we're going to find the person who did this. And he's going to pay. I promise."


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

1730 local time  
Angels of Mercy Hospital  
Washington DC

"Any change?"

At the sound of the familiar voice, Harm twisted around in his chair to find Admiral Chegwidden standing in the doorway to Loren's room. He was still in uniform, his cover tucked under his arm, so he must have come from the office. Harm sighed and tossed the brief he had been going over onto a small side table, shaking his head as the Admiral stepped into the room.

"No sir." Harm said, turning back to look at Loren. _And the doctors are beginning to grow concerned by it. They haven't said anything yet, but I can hear it in their voices whenever they give me an 'update' on her condition.__  
_  
Chegwidden stopped a few steps behind Harm's chair and stared down at his unconscious subordinate for several minutes before glancing around the room. There were no flowers, no 'get well soon' cards, nothing to indicate anyone else was even aware Loren existed. Chegwidden finally turned his attention back to Harm, noting the Corrigan file he had been reading earlier was now lying forgotten on the table next to him.

"It's been three days Commander. I think I've indulged you long enough." Chegwidden said without preamble. "I expect to see you back at work first thing tomorrow."

Harm spun around in his chair. "Someone tried to kill her Admiral!"

"I'm aware of that Commander." Chegwidden said tersely. Then he sighed. "I'll have a Marine guard posted outside her door if it will make you feel better."

But Harm shook his head emphatically. "Someone in the _Navy_tried to kill her. I don't trust anyone else to be around her."

Chegwidden took a deep breath, struggling to hold onto his temper. "Commander, you're needed at JAG. We were already short an attorney with Lieutenant Singer deciding to take maternity leave, and now with you... And what about your current caseload?"

"I've already spoken with Bud. He's agreed to help out with some of my cases. I have almost thirty days leave on the books Admiral. I'm not coming back till I know she's safe."

Chegwidden gritted his teeth. For a moment he considered ordering Rabb to return to duty. He quickly dismissed the idea. It would only result in him having to bring charges against his best attorney for disobeying a direct order.

Finally he nodded his head grudgingly, acknowledging there was nothing he could do to get Harm to leave Loren's side right now.

"Have you even gone home since this happened Commander?" Chegwidden asked, allowing some of his irritation to come through in his voice.

"Of course sir." Harm said.

He used his foot to surreptitiously push the duffel bag lying on the floor further under his chair so Chegwidden wouldn't see it. The truth was he'd only gone home once, briefly, to grab a quick shower and to change and throw some stuff in a bag to take back to the hospital with him. And only after he'd gotten one of the nurses to promise not to leave Loren's side, or even let anyone else in the room, until he got back.

Harm was pulled from his thoughts by Chegwidden speaking again.

"Why are you doing this Commander? Why do you care?"

Harm looked back down at Loren, reaching out to take her hand in his. "Because nobody else does."

1030 local time  
Angels of Mercy Hospital  
Washington DC

"I'm going to be honest with you Commander. It's not looking so good."

Harm froze, all thoughts of grabbing a quick cup of coffee gone. He turned towards the doctor that had been walking down the hall with him.

"Has something changed?"

"No." Seeing his companion not moving, the doctor also stopped walked. He moved out of the way of a nurse on her way to a patient's room, then turned back to Harm and continued speaking. "And that's really the problem. I know Doctor Stewart cautioned you about the possibility of Loren not waking up, but that was really a worst case scenario. We were actually expecting to see some improvement by now. Instead, things have pretty much remained unchanged."

"So what does that mean?"

The doctor sighed. "The kind of brain swelling Loren's experiencing can be very detrimental in the long term if left unchecked. Now I'm not talking this afternoon or anything but if there isn't a noticeable improvement soon, we're going to have to start taking steps to try to reduce the swelling ourselves. Most likely through surgery."

Harm frowned. "If you can do something to take care of this brain swelling, why wait a few more days? In fact, why did you wait at all?"

"Because, Commander, this procedure is not to be undertaken lightly. The potential side effects are almost as great as if we were to do nothing. The _only_ reason it's an option is because they're _potential_side effects, and what will happen to Loren if the swelling doesn't go down is a sure thing."

Harm exhaled noisily, feeling as though he'd just been kicked in the chest. He scrubbed a hand over his face, staring off down the hall at nothing.

"I'm sorry. I know that wasn't what you were expecting to hear today."

"No, I..." Harm visibly pulled himself together and focused back on the doctor. "Thank you for telling me."

The doctor held his gaze for a minute, reaching out to grip his upper arm sympathetically before resuming his walk down the hall. Harm stood there for a minute, trying to absorb what the doctor had just told him. He'd known they were growing concerned but hadn't realized things were this serious. Finally, he turned and headed back to Loren's room.

Fixing a smile on his face, Harm pushed the door open and nodded at the nurse sitting next to the bed.

"Thanks for staying with her Linda."

"No problem Commander." Noticing he had come back empty handed, she continued. "Change your mind about that coffee?"

"Something like that." Harm said but didn't elaborate. "See you later on rounds?"

"It's a date." She said with a teasing smile.

The hospital staff had figured out by now that he and Loren weren't in any kind of a relationship and some of the nurses had taken to teasing him good naturedly. Normally he'd play along with them, in the spirit of things, but after his talk with the doctor he just wasn't in the mood for it today. To her credit Linda picked up on his mood and dropped her attempts at teasing banter.

She squeezed his arm as she walked by. "I'll see you later Commander. In the meantime, page if you need anything."

Harm waited till she left the room and then dropped into the chair she had just vacated, pulling it closer to the bed. He reached out and took her hand in his. Talking to Loren had gotten easier over the last week, but now it seemed like he was back at square one.

"You're stronger than this Loren." Harm finally said into the silence. "And too stubborn to go down without a fight. You can beat this. I know you can."

Harm paused, half-expecting Loren to squeeze his hand or give him some other sign that she had heard him, like always happened in the movies. But nothing happened and Harm reminded himself that this wasn't a movie, it was real life. And that, unlike in the movies, in real life you don't always get a happy ending.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

A/N: A big Thank You! to everyone who's still reading this, and especially to everyone who takes the time to comment!

1700 local time  
Angels of Mercy Hospital  
Washington DC

"I had an interesting conversation with Lieutenant Roberts yesterday."

"I bet you did." Harm muttered under his breath.

Coltier was alone today, which Harm had learned meant he would be back later with his partner so they could good cop/bad cop him. He brushed past the NCIS agent without a word of greeting and headed towards the hospital vending machines. Agent Coltier followed after him.

"Do you know what he told me?"

"No." Harm said, fishing change out of the pocket of his jeans. "But I have a feeling you're going to tell me."

Coltier ignored Harm's sarcasm and continued speaking. "He told me about a conversation he witnessed between you and Lieutenant Singer the afternoon of the day that she was attacked. A conversation that turned physical. Care to explain?"

Harm ignored him. Having found enough change for what he wanted, he started putting it into the machine.

"Here's what I think happened. You two were sleeping together. And you got her pregnant. When you found out you wanted her to have an abortion so nobody would find out about your affair. She refused, so you took her to the middle of nowhere and tried to kill her."

That was the last straw. Turning from the vending machine, Harm grabbed the smaller man by the lapels of his cheap suit and propelled him backwards till he slammed him into the far wall.

"You son of a bitch!"

Harm pulled him forward just to slam him back against the wall again. Coltier stared up at him wide eyed, clawing at Harm's hands in an attempt to free himself.

"I had nothing to do with this! If you did a minute's worth of investigating you would have realized that by now."

Harm felt a couple pairs of hands grab a hold of him then, trying to pull him off of the NCIS agent. Harm looked back to find one of the hospital interns on one side and an orderly on the other.

"He's not worth it Commander." The intern said as he struggled to break Harm's grip.

Harm fought them for a second, then relaxed, realizing the other man was right. Slowly he released Coltier and stepped back.

Coltier didn't move for a minute. Then, in the blink of an eye, he was back to his old self. He reached up, trying to straighten his suit.

"That little move didn't help your cause any Rabb." He paused, then resumed his previous line of conversation as if nothing had happened. "The way I see it, you're hanging around the hospital for one of two reasons. Either you're feeling guilty for what you tried to do to your girlfriend, or you want to make sure she doesn't tell anybody what really happened."

Harm growled, the sound coming from deep down. To his credit, Coltier flinched at the sound. He didn't back down, though, and Harm barely kept himself from putting his hands on him again. With great effort he turned and walked away. Going over to the vending machine, he made himself select something before returning to Loren's room.

Once in the room, Harm threw his bag of peanuts against the wall. He shouldn't have let Coltier get to him like that. And normally he _was_able to ignore the man's not so veiled accusations. But today was different. And Harm knew why.

He walked over to Loren's bed and stared down at her. It had been two days since his conversation with her doctor. And there had been no signs of improvement. At least, not to the degree that the doctors where looking for.

This afternoon they had scheduled her for surgery in the morning.

Harm brushed his thumb over her cheek before tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. Her color was coming back and the doctors had been able to take the bandages off yesterday morning.

Harm settled into his chair, taking her hand in his without even thinking about it. Picking up a brief off of the table with his other one, Harm started reading.

He'd finished the brief and had been dozing off for a while when something woke him. Harm blinked groggily, trying to figure out why he'd woken up. He glanced over at Loren, and came fully awake as his eyes widened in shock. He still had a hold of her hand and as he watched, her fingers were slowly starting to move. Holding his breath, he looked up to see her eyelids fluttering. Slowly they opened and he found himself looking into a pair of familiar blue eyes.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

2055 local time  
Angels of Mercy Hospital  
Washington, DC

"Before we begin, I just want to say how very sorry I am for your loss."

"My loss?" Loren parroted, her voice sounding detached and indifferent even to her own ears.

"Of your baby...?" Coltier clarified, frowning a little at not getting the reaction he'd been expecting.

"Oh." Loren said.

She didn't say anything else but unconsciously her hand went to her stomach. When she'd first realized she was pregnant, she'd hoped for a miscarriage. It would have been the easiest solution to her little 'problem.' But it hadn't happened and she'd resigned herself to dealing with the consequences of her actions that night. Now, in a way, she'd gotten her wish. So why did she feel empty inside?

Coltier cleared his throat, bringing Loren's attention back to him. Realizing where her hand was, she jerked it away, hoping he hadn't noticed.

"So what can you tell us about the night you were attacked?" Coltier's partner asked. The man (she couldn't remember what his name was) had been standing in a corner of her room but now he stepped forward, pen poised over a small notepad.

"I..."

"Who was it that attacked you, Lieutenant?" Coltier pressed. "We already have a suspect, as well as motive. All we need from you is confirmation."

Feeling a little overwhelmed by his intensity, Loren looked away from Coltier. Her gaze ended up on the door to her room. Through the window she saw Commander Rabb looking in, the same look of concern on his face that had been there since she'd woken up...

_Fighting her way through the black nothingness, Loren Singer struggled to regain consciousness. Blinking her eyes, she slowly opened them. It took her a second to recognize the person she found herself looking at.__  
__  
"Commander Rabb?"__  
__  
The look of relief and concern waring on his face confused her. He didn't say anything though and, after a few minutes, the intensity of his gaze began to make her feel uncomfortable and she started shifting around on the bed. Realizing her hand was in his, she pulled it back and discovered there was an IV in it. She looked down at it in confusion and just a touch of panic.__  
__  
"Wha...Where am I?" She looked back at Harm, the panic she was feeling now clearly visible on her face.__  
__  
"It's okay Loren. You're safe." Harm said soothingly. "You're in the hospital."__  
__  
"The hospital? Why?"__  
__  
She tried to remember but her attempts to sort through her jumbled memories were made all the harder by whatever drugs they were giving her.__  
__  
"You were attacked Loren." Harm finally said. "You almost died."__  
__  
She was vaguely aware of him pushing the call button as she struggled to process his words.__  
__  
"There's more Loren." Harm said hesitantly, unsure how she would take the rest of it. "The baby...didn't make it."__  
__  
"I had a miscarriage?" She asked, his words hitting her harder than she would have expected.__  
__  
"Yes." Harm said, nodding. "I'm sorry."__  
__  
Before either of them could say anything else, a doctor walked into the room, followed closely by one of the night nurses. Seeing Loren awake, the nurse slipped back out of the room while the doctor walked over to the bed.__  
__  
Harm had moved to a corner of the room and was watching as the doctor examined Loren, asking her the occasional question, when the door to her room swung open again. In walked Agents Coltier and Damson.__  
__  
"What are you doing here?" Harm all but growled, the words coming out reflexively. It was pretty obvious why they were there. "How did you know she was awake?"__  
__  
"I left instructions at the nurses' station to be notified the minute she woke up. Figured you wouldn't be in any big hurry to inform NCIS."__  
__  
Loren looked back and forth between Harm and the two NCIS agents, picking up on the tension between them. She frowned, wondering why that was while the NCIS agent continued speaking.__  
__  
"Doctor, could that exam possibly wait just a little bit, until after we've talked to Lieutenant Singer?"__  
__  
The doctor turned to face the other man. "Well actually, Agent-"__  
__  
"Good." Coltier said, interrupting him.__  
__  
Grabbing him by the elbow, Coltier guided him out the door of the room before the man realized what was happening. Then Coltier turned to Harm.__  
__  
"Not going to happen." Harm said before Coltier could open his mouth.__  
__  
"It's not a request Rabb."__  
__  
Harm didn't say anything, just crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Coltier, daring him to make him move.__  
__  
"Look Rabb, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way." Coltier said, starting to lose his temper.__  
__  
The two men glared at each other, neither willing to give an inch. This went on for several minutes until Harm glanced over at Loren. She was watching the whole thing and the confusion on her face was obvious.__  
__  
This wasn't helping her, he realized with a start. This little pissing match with Coltier wasn't getting them any closer to finding out who had really tried to kill her.__  
__  
So with great effort, he made himself step back from Coltier. He nodded his head jerkily.__  
__  
"Okay. I'll wait outside." With one more glance at Loren, Harm walked out without another word.__  
__  
Coltier grinned smugly but didn't say anything as Harm left the room. When he turned back around to face Loren again, though, his expression was once more that of a serious professional.__  
__  
"My apologies for that little scene. I'm Agent Coltier and this is my partner Agent Damson. We're with NCIS. We just have a few questions to ask you Lieutenant Singer..."__  
_  
"...Lieutenant Singer? Are you okay Lieutenant?"

Coltier glanced over his shoulder to see what Loren was looking at and found Commander Rabb staring at them through the window. He turned back to Loren.

"Lieutenant Singer." He said again and was gratified to see her return her focus to him that time. "We can protect you from him."

"What?" Loren asked, genuinely confused.

"If he's the reason you aren't saying anything, you don't have to be afraid of him. Once you tell us what happened, we can protect you." Seeing the confused look still on her face, Coltier sighed. "We know he's the one who attacked you. But in order for us to take the next step, we need you to officially name him as your attacker."

Loren shook her head. "Commander Rabb would never..."

"We have a witness to him assaulting you at JAG earlier in the day that you were attacked. As well as witnesses to a very heated conversation shortly before the attack." Damson said gently.

"I said he didn't do this!" Loren insisted testily, starting to lose her temper. It was obvious to her now the reason for the tension between the Commander and the NCIS agents. She frowned a little as she tried to piece together her fragmented memories of that night.

"I remember the argument." She said, more to herself than to them. "But after that..."

For a few minutes it was all a blank. She closed her eyes and took a few slow, deep breathes and it started coming back to her in flashes. Their meeting, and their argument. How he'd grabbed her arm as she turned to go and how, when she'd tried to pull out of his grip, she'd slipped on the icy pavement.

Her eyes snapped open.

* * *

Harm took a step back as Coltier pulled the door open and stormed from the room. He glanced at Harm as he walked, a glare on his face, but didn't say anything. His partner left Loren's room a little more sedately. He paused next to Harm.

"Commander Theodore Lindsey." He said, flipping his notebook closed and tucking it into his inside jacket pocket.

"What?" Harm asked, confused.

"That's the man Lieutenant Singer said she met with that night. We're going to arrest him right now."

"That son of a bitch! Hey!" Harm cried as Damson turned and started to walk away. Harm reached out and grabbed his shoulder, stopping him. "I'm going with you."

"I don't think so Commander." Damson said in a tone that didn't invite debate. "Not that you have any business being there in the first place, but somehow I don't think that I can trust you to act sensibly around him tonight."

"Besides," he said, glancing back the way he'd come. "You're needed elsewhere right now."

Damson looked back at Harm and a moment of understanding passed between the two men before Damson nodded and turned again to leave.

Harm watched him walk away, then turned towards Loren's room.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

A/N: Once again, I am so sorry for how long it's taken to update this. Thank you to everyone who's stuck with me. Hopefully you'll find this chapter worth the wait.

1730 local time  
Angels of Mercy Hospital  
Washington, DC

"Are you okay in there honey? You didn't fall in did you?"

Loren gritted her teeth, resisting the urge to snap at the well meaning nurse. She wasn't going to have to deal with any of them for very much longer after all. Taking a deep breath, she counted to ten before responding.

"I'm fine." She said, turning her head to call out through the bathroom door. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay." The nurse responded, sounding like she wasn't completely convinced. "Well, call if you need anything."

Loren waited until she heard the sound of receding footsteps before turning back around, the movement causing a wave of dizziness to wash over her. Her equilibrium was still a little off but the doctors said that was to be expected given her injuries and would get better in time. She held out a hand, using the wall in front of her to help steady herself until the moment passed.

She finished changing out of her hospital gown, then stopped, staring at herself in the small bathroom mirror. After a moment's hesitation she pulled the edge of her shirt up to reveal the fresh scar on her stomach. Slowly she reached down to rest her hand there.

It was true what they said: you never knew what you had until it's gone. In her case, it had taken her losing the baby to realize she really had wanted it.

Another knock on the door startled her and she jerked her hand back. She let go of her shirt and it fell back down, once more hiding her scars. She jerked the bathroom door open, this time prepared to bite the head off the annoyingly persistent nurse, and stopped when she saw it was a different member of the hospital staff.

"Yes?" She asked, somewhat defensively to try to cover her embarrassment.

"It's time to go Miss Singer." The orderly said.

Loren nodded her head but didn't say anything. She'd long since given up on trying to get the hospital staff to address her by proper military rank.

The young man gestured off to the side and Loren looked over to see what he was referring to. When she realized what he intended, she turned back to him, a glare on her face. There was no way in hell she was agreeing to_ that_.

* * *

Loren sat sulking in a wheelchair, arms crossed over her chest, while the orderly pushed her down the hall towards the doors. She'd argued with him, threatened him, (and when that hadn't worked she'd even tried pleading) insisting that she was perfectly capable of walking on her own. But he had been just as insistent that it was hospital policy for patients to be in wheelchairs until they were officially released from hospital care. No exceptions.

As they approached the doors, she wondered for a moment if they intended to just put her in a cab and send her off. It wasn't like she had anyone to come pick her up and who knew where her own car was, assuming they would let her drive herself in the first place. Then they passed through the automatic doors and she saw a somewhat familiar SUV, with a very familiar tall, dark haired man leaning up against it, sitting parked in the fire lane.

Loren blinked, surprised to see him there even though a part of her knew she shouldn't have been. While Lieutenants Roberts and Sims, and even Admiral Chegwidden, had come to see her while she recovered, Commander Rabb had been a consistent presence, stopping by every day to check on her progress and to see how she was doing.

She watched him remove his sunglasses and slip them into the inside pocket of his coat as he walked over.

"I've got it from here Andy." He said with a grin.

The orderly set the break on the wheelchair then walked around it, hand outstretched.

"You take care Commander." The young man said as they shook hands. "I hope you don't take this the wrong way but I hope I don't see you around anytime soon."

Loren rolled her eyes as the two men exchanged a few more words. It was just another sign, as if she needed it, of just how much time Commander Rabb had spent here. She watched the orderly walk back into the hospital then shrugged off Harm's attempt to help her out of the wheelchair.

"I'm quite capable of doing this myself Commander." She snapped.

Unfortunately, she stood up too quickly and was hit with another wave of dizziness. Harm reached out to help steady her but she pulled away from him, not wanting to accept his help. The sudden movement did nothing to help her balance issues, though, and she would have fallen if Harm hadn't caught her.

Harm froze, unprepared for the feelings that were stirred up by holding Loren in his arms; or for how right it felt for her to be there.

Loren didn't move either, embarrassed by her display of weakness. She stared at a spot on his coat, unable to look him in the eye. Finally, after what seemed like forever, she started to stir.

"You can let go." She said, somewhat subdued, still not looking at him. "I'm okay now."

Harm blinked, startled out of his thoughts. Pushing aside the whirlwind of emotions, Harm slowly unwound his arms but kept a light grip on Loren's elbow, using it to steer her towards his car.

As they pulled away from the curb, Loren started to give him directions but it quickly became apparent that he already knew where to go. For a moment she considered asking him how he knew where she lived, then decided it didn't really matter. She fell silent, staring out the window but not really seeing anything, lost in her own thoughts.

Before she realized it Harm was pulling into the parking lot outside her building. As soon as he shut off the engine she had her door open and was stepping out of the vehicle, not giving him a chance to come around and help her. She admitted to herself that she was also hoping to irritate him a little but Harm took it all in stride, falling into step beside her as she pulled the lobby door open and walked over to the elevator. Normally she would have taken the stairs but she wasn't certain she could make it up three flights right now and she didn't feel like falling on her face in front of him. One near fall at the hospital had been quite enough.

Harm remained silent through the elevator ride and outside her apartment while she fumbled for her keys. Ignoring the pointed look she gave him when she finally got the door open, he followed her inside and glanced around.

"I see NCIS was here." He said, his voice hardening.

Loren just nodded, looking around at her apartment. It wasn't ransacked, per say. But the people who had obviously gone through it just as obviously hadn't been very interested in putting things back where they found them. With a sigh she stepped further into the apartment, still looking around, before walking into what Harm assumed was her bedroom, leaving him standing alone by the door. He had just shrugged off his coat when there was a knock at the door.

"I'll get it." Harm called.

There was no answer. Shrugging his shoulders, Harm opened the door.

"Mac!" He said, reflexively taking a step back. "What are you doing here?"

Mac, her eyebrows raised nearly to her hairline at Harm's unexpected presence, took advantage of his movement to step into the apartment. Trying to cover her initial surprise, she schooled her features to a more neutral expression before arching an eyebrow.

"I could ask you the same question."

"I brought Loren home from the hospital." Harm said, reluctantly closing the door behind the Marine.

"So she is home then." Mac said, glancing around as if searching for the other woman. "I need to speak with her."

"Mac-" Harm started, a warning tone to his voice.

"The trial starts next week, Harm." Mac said, cutting him off, an edge to her own voice. "And since you wouldn't let me anywhere near her while she was in the hospital, all I have to work with is the statement she gave NCIS."

"It wasn't a good time then." Harm said defensively. "It's still not. It's her first night home. Give it a few more days. You really don't even need to be doing this. The NCIS report has everything you need."

"It's not good enough Harm. You of all people should know that. And even if it was, the fact that Lindsey's going ahead with a court martial when logic says he should be trying to get a plea bargain suggests he knows something I don't. And I really don't feel like getting blindsided in court."

"Mac-" Harm started again.

"Colonel Mackenzie." Loren said, unknowingly interrupting their conversation when she finally came out of her bedroom. She looked at her coworker, not attempting to hide her surprise at seeing the other woman. "What are you doing here ma'am?"

Mac glanced at Harm for a second before turning to face Loren directly. "Lieutenant, I need to ask you a few questions. If you're up to it, that is."

Loren stared blankly at the other woman for a moment. And then she got it. Colonel Mackenzie was prosecuting Lindsey at his court martial. Since she hadn't interviewed Loren yet she had to be talking about the case. Considering the court martial had to be getting ready to start soon, Loren was surprised it had taken Colonel Mackenzie this long to approach her.

"Of course ma'am." Loren said finally.

She gestured to the living room, letting Colonel Mackenzie precede her into the room. Harm trailed after them, settling on the couch with Loren after Mac sat down in the room's only chair.

The first part of the questioning was fairly painless. Colonel Mackenzie had her go over the events of that night, starting with her meeting with Commander Rabb. Loren told her the same thing she had told the NCIS agents. Mac nodded her head as Loren spoke, stopping her to ask the occasional question to clarify some point.

She seemed particularly interested in finding out if Loren remembered seeing anyone else in the area towards the end of her meeting with Lindsey - someone Lindsey's defense could claim had been the _real_person Harm had seen trying to throw her in the river while Lindsey left to go get help. Loren searched her memory but at last had to shake her head 'no'. As far as she was aware, it had been just her and Lindsey out there at that time.

It was at that point that Colonel Mackenzie's questions started to get a lot harder to answer.

"Okay Lieutenant. That pretty much lines up with what you told NCIS and what ended up in their report. I don't think we'll have any problems there. But you haven't said why exactly you were meeting with Lindsey in the first place. Or what you two were arguing about."

Loren was silent for a minute. She could lie, of course. Lindsey couldn't possibly be any more eager than she was for that to come out. But then again, with what he was facing he might not care at this point. And perjuring herself would have far more reaching consequences than just putting the outcome of the case in doubt. Not to mention the fact that the whole idea of lying like that in the first place turned her stomach. That wasn't who she was.  
_  
Except it is._ A little voice inside her whispered._ It's what you became when you took the first steps down this road you're now on.__  
_  
It was that thought that decided her. She looked Colonel Mackenzie in the eye. "Lindsey asked me to meet him out there that night so his wife wouldn't find out. He wanted to talk about the baby." She hesitated a moment, her resolve wavering a little, before taking a deep breath and continuing. "He thought that he was the father."

Neither Colonel Mackenzie nor Commander Rabb said anything for a long time. Loren continued looking at Colonel Mackenzie, for some reason afraid to look over at Commander Rabb and see his reaction to her revelation. Finally, Colonel Mackenzie found her voice again.

"He thought he was... So you and Commander Lindsey were..."

"Having an affair?" Loren finished for her. "Yes ma'am."

"_Was _he the father of your baby Lieutenant?" Mac asked frankly.

"No ma'am." Loren said, but didn't elaborate.

Which didn't seem to be good enough for the Colonel.

"May I ask who _was _the father?"

Loren hesitated. "I'd rather not say ma'am."

"I see." Mac said, looking at Loren then glancing at Harm sitting on the couch right next to her, a sinking feeling settling in the pit of her stomach. Loren's continued refusal to name the father, combined with Harm's behavior towards her since the night of the attack... For a moment she considered coming right out and asking them point blank before setting the idea aside, not really sure she _wanted_to know the answer.

"May I ask, then, why you had the affair?" Mac finally asked, even though she thought she already knew the answer._ Loren and her damn ambition.__  
_  
"Does it matter at this point ma'am? It was a mistake. One that I paid the highest price for." Unconsciously her hand dropped down to rest on her stomach, a move that wasn't lost on the other woman. Loren blinked back sudden tears. "If you'll excuse me ma'am?"

Without waiting for an answer, Loren left the couch and fled into her bedroom, closing the door behind her.

"Well," Mac finally said into the silence. "That wasn't like the Loren we all know and love."

"She's changed Mac." Harm said, speaking up for the first time since Loren's revelation. He turned his head in the direction Loren had gone in. "She might not completely realize it yet, but she has."

Mac just _humph_ed.

Harm turned back to fix his gaze on the Marine.

"Do you have any more questions you need to ask her?" His tone implied there had better not be.

Mac shook her head.

"The members aren't going to like this little land mine," Mac said, speaking half to herself "but it shouldn't effect the outcome of their verdict. Especially if I..."

Trailing off, she stood up and walked over to the door, Harm following close behind. Harm opened the door and Mac waited a moment but when he made no move to leave she nodded her head as if half expecting that and stepped out into the hallway. They said their goodbyes and Harm closed the door behind her. Turning around, he let his breath out in a short burst and ran his hand through his hair, wondering what he should do now. Before he even had a chance to think about it, the door to Loren's bedroom opened and she stepped out, freezing when she saw Harm still standing in her apartment. Their eyes met.

"Why are you still here?" Loren asked, with none of the usual haughtiness that would normally be in that question.

Harm shifted feet, still more than a little uncomfortable with her admission of having had an affair with a married man. But he continued to meet her gaze evenly and there was no hesitation when he spoke.

"I wanted to make sure you were alright."

"Thank you Commander, but you should probably be going too. Thank you for the ride home."

Harm nodded, stifling the urge to ask if she was going to be all right here by herself. Even if she wasn't she would probably never admit it to him.

"Okay. But if you need anything, you can call me. Anytime." He held her gaze until she grudgingly nodded, then grabbed his coat and opened the door again.

Loren watched him show himself out, fighting the irrational urge to ask him to stay a little while longer. The door closed behind him and suddenly she was alone.

All of a sudden feeling completely drained, Loren went back into her bedroom. Not even bothering to change out of her clothes, she lay down on her bed. But despite her exhaustion she was unable to fall asleep. After an hour of tossing and turning, she got up and went back out into the living room. If she couldn't sleep she might as well put the time to good use straightening up the mess NCIS had made of her apartment.

She had gotten her cd collection reorganized and was working on sorting through her personal files they had left scattered over her coffee table when she found it. It had been stuck in with her medical and insurance paperwork from the last year. A slightly grainy looking but still recognizable sonogram picture.

Loren paused, the rest of the paperwork forgotten, as she slowly reached out and picked up the picture. It had been taken at her last doctor's appointment. The one where they had told her she was having a little girl. They had offered her a copy of the picture to take with her but she'd refused. Only to discover later on that one had somehow _accidentally_ended up in with all the paperwork they gave her at the end of the checkup.

Now, it was all she had left of her baby.

Loren reached out a trembling finger to trace the suddenly blurry image before clutching the picture to her chest. Her bitter sobs echoed through the empty apartment.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

0900 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

"First order of business people: Colonel Mackenzie, Commander Turner, are we still having a court martial?" Admiral Chegwidden glanced around the conference table at his subordinates, fixing the two aforementioned ones with a piercing look.

Mac and Sturgis glanced at each other before looking back at the Admiral.

"Yes sir." Turner said unhappily, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. "Despite my advice to the contrary, Commander Lindsey insists on proceeding with this."

Chegwidden tried without much success to stifle a sigh. He looked down at the paperwork in front of him, rubbing at his temple with one hand, before turning back to Mackenzie and Turner.

"I trust you both are prepared then."

"Yes sir." Turner said without hesitation.

Mac glanced briefly at Harm before answering in the affirmative as well.

"Very well. Next order of business: the McCallister case. Colonel, you handled the JAGMan investigation so I'd like you to prosecute. For defense-"

The sound of the conference room door opening cut off what he was about to say. All eyes turned in that direction in time to see Lieutenant Singer walk into the room. Her uniform was impeccably pressed and the freshly polished brass sparkled in the overhead lights.

Dropping her briefcase at her feet, she braced to attention, staring down the table at her commanding officer.

"My apologies for being late Admiral. I forgot to take into account how much traffic there is on the Beltway at this hour. It won't happen again."

Chegwidden frowned at Loren's words. Next to him, Commander Rabb stirred in his seat but remained silent.

"At ease Lieutenant." Chegwidden finally said. "Are you sure you're ready to come back to work so soon?"

Loren relaxed her her stance but there was a pinched look on her face at his words. Despite that she pointedly took a seat at the table, sitting in the empty chair next to Lieutenant Roberts and across from Colonel Mackenzie. For a moment she glanced across at Mac, but averted her eyes after only a second or two; she wouldn't look at Harm at all. She looked back at the Admiral.

"Of course Admiral." She said matter-of-factly. "I've been cleared medically. I'm perfectly fine. And eager to get back into things. You were just about to assign the defense in a case to someone. I'd like to volunteer."

At her words, Harm stirred in his seat again but once again remained silent. Chegwidden glanced over at him for a second before looking back at Loren.

"That case was actually going to go to Lieutenant Roberts, Lieutenant."  
_  
Of course it was. _Loren glanced at the stack of case files in front of Bud then looked back up at the Admiral. "It looks like Lieutenant Roberts already has his plate full sir. I'd be more than willing to help out and take this one for him."

Chegwidden sighed again and pinched the bridge of his nose, knowing Loren wouldn't let this go. "Very well Lieutenant. the McCallister defense is yours."

Chegwidden tossed the case files down the table to her before continuing.

"Next order of business..."

Loren fingered the files in front of her but didn't open them, instead giving her whole attention to the Admiral as he demanded updates on another open case.

Harm listened with only half an ear, most of his attention focused on Loren. He noticed again her spotless, freshly pressed and polished uniform. She still refused to look at him even though he was sitting less than a foot from the Admiral. Instead, she sat there with her hands folded and resting on the files in front of her, her expression one of polite attention. She gave all appearances of being back to her old self. That she was once again JAG's Ice Queen. He frowned, wondering why she was putting on this act.

Almost before he realized it the meeting was over. Harm stood and started gathering his own case files, watching as Bud turned to Loren and politely welcomed her back before asking how she was doing. Loren muttered a few words to him before excusing herself to slip out of the room before anyone else could approach her, no doubt heading for her office to review her new case.

Admiral Chegwidden was also heading out of the conference room and Harm hurried after him. He caught up with him in the hallway.

"Admiral Chegwidden, sir," Harm called out to him, "I'd like to request to sit second chair for the McCallister defense."

Chegwidden turned back to face Harm. "That case hardly requires two lawyers Commander. In all likelihood, it'll end in a plea bargain before it even reaches court." Chegwidden paused and gave Harm another look, frowning. "What are you up to Commander?"

"Nothing sir." Harm said, an innocent expression on his face. "I just thought Lieutenant Singer might appreciate some assistance while she readjusts to being back."

Chegwidden snorted at the idea that Loren would ever want any help with any case but didn't say anything. Instead he continued staring at Harm for several more minutes.

"Tread carefully Commander. A wounded animal is just as likely to bite the hand of the one trying to help it as it is its tormentor."

Harm didn't say anything, just gave a brief nod to indicate he understood what the Admiral was trying to tell him.

"Very well Commander." Chegwidden finally said. "Consider yourself part of the team." He paused and smirked. "I'll let you break the news to Lieutenant Singer."

Without another word he turned and headed off in the direction of his office.

"Still think she's changed, Harm?"

Harm turned to see Mac leaning against the door of the conference room, her arms crossed over her chest. For a moment he wondered just how long she had been standing there.

Seeing that she had his attention, Mac straightened up and walked over to him. "She seemed like the same old Loren to me in there."

Harm didn't say anything, but then, Mac didn't seem to be expecting a response.

"Tell your co-council I'm open to a plea bargain."

"Your case that weak?" Stepping past her, he started walking down the hall before turning around, a grin on his face, as he walked backwards. "Really Mac, it's not like you to just give up without a fight."

Mac made a face at him and he chuckled before turning back around and heading towards Loren's office.

* * *

Loren opened the door to her office and looked around. It was a little better off than her apartment had been but it was still obvious NCIS had been through here.

Loren sighed.

Dropping her briefcase beside her desk, she settled into her chair, sighing again, this time in relief. Through sheer force of will she'd made it to her office before her dizzy spell could overwhelm her. When the vertigo passed she turned her attention to the case file in front of her, flipping it open. Just as quickly she flipped it closed again.

Loren closed her eyes and took a slow deep breath but the images from the pictures attached to the first page of the report still danced before her eyes. A broken and bloody body; both eyes swollen shut; all the tubes and wire and IVs...

Her own feelings of pain and fear and helplessness clawed at her, trying to make their way to surface, but she forced them back into the dark corner of her soul that she'd banished them to. And wished that she had just let Bud have this case after all.

Opening her eyes, she looked up to find Commander Rabb standing in the doorway to her office.

"Commander." She said guardedly. She wondered how long he had been standing there. She tried to ignore the look in his eyes, the same look he'd had last night at her apartment...

Harm stepped into the room. He noted the tightness around Loren's eyes and the pinched look she had on her face but decided it had more to do with the file folder sitting on her desk than it did with him. He hoped it did anyway.

"Did you need something, sir?" Loren finally asked when he didn't say anything.

"Actually I was going to ask you that Lieutenant." Harm said, her words jarring him out of his thoughts. At her confused look he elaborated. "I'm sitting second chair on this case."

A scowl quickly replaced her look of confusion. "I don't need a babysitter Commander!"

For a second she appeared to flinch as she heard her own words but the scowl was back on her face so quickly that Harm couldn't be sure he hadn't imagined it. Deciding that now wouldn't be a good time to press the issue, he let it go.

"Well that's good Lieutenant, because as first chair I'm expecting you to pull your own weight. And then some."

Loren grimaced. Obviously she wasn't going to be able to alter this little arrangement.

"Fine." She said through gritted teeth. "You can help."

An idea came to her. She glanced at the notations on the various file folders that were part of the overall case file until she found the one she was looking for. She pulled it out of the pile and tossed it across her desk towards him. "You can start by going to interview the NCIS investigator."

Harm started to pick up the file, then froze when he heard her words.

"NCIS?" He asked, trying to sound casual but not quite succeeding.

"Yes." One delicate eyebrow arched. "Is that a problem, Commander?"

"No problem." Harm said, still trying to sound casual as it occurred to him what she was doing.

File in hand, he turned and left her office. In the hallway he couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips. He should be upset about the game she was obviously playing but for some reason he wasn't. And it would definitely make things interesting. Turning, he headed towards his office for his cover and briefcase.

Loren watched him leave, a hint of the first genuine smile in a long time tugging at the corners of her lips. She should be angry that he was going to be such a good sport about this but for some reason she wasn't. The smile faded as she turned back to the case file. And if she was honest with herself, considering what she gotten herself into she was actually glad to have the help. Bracing herself, Loren made herself open the folder again and start reviewing the case.


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

A/N: No, I didn't forget about this story. I had actually planned to get this chapter posted a lot sooner but, well, you know what they say about plans... I can't believe that it's been over a year now since I started posting this story. If you would have told me then that it would still be a WIP now... Well, anyway, on with the story!

Patuxent River Naval Air Station  
Patuxent River, Maryland  
1430 local time

Harm stepped out of the government sedan then reached back inside for his briefcase. Straightening up, he glanced around the Naval Base as he waited for Loren to get out of the car, grimacing slightly. He hated riding as a passenger but since Loren was first chair she had insisted that she would be driving to the meeting with their client. And that if he didn't like it he was perfectly welcome to walk. It wasn't_ that _cold out after all.

Loren started moving as soon as she was out of the car. She didn't even glance at Harm as she walked by him.

"Come on Commander."

Harm frowned, almost certain he had heard Loren mutter 'Let's get this over with.'

She'd managed to put off this meeting for several days already and she refused to discuss her case strategy with him. He wouldn't be at all surprised if she pushed for their client to take the plea bargain Mac had indicated she was amenable to. Given the details of the case he really couldn't blame her.

Despite her desire to get this whole thing over with, Loren approached the door slowly, forcing Commander Rabb to slow his pace in order to stay behind her. Even though he was the higher ranking officer, he was apparently deferring to her as first chair.

Inside, Loren fidgeted slightly while they waited for the Marine guard to check their IDs and log them in as visitors. She was a little more anxious about this meeting than she was willing to admit to herself. And as much as she hated to admit it, Commander Rabb's presence, and the hand he had unconsciously resting on the small of her back, was doing a lot to help calm her nerves.

She glanced over at him, wondering if he'd guessed that she'd been putting this meeting off. If he had he certainly wasn't letting on.

Finally the guard cleared them to proceed. Handing them visitors badges, he gave them directions on how to get to the brig (not that either of them needed it, having been there plenty of times before) and a few minutes later they were going through another check-in process with the Gunny running the detention block.

A couple of minutes after that they were being escorted into a holding room where they would meet with their client. Harm sat down in one of the chairs around the table that was the room's only piece of furniture but Loren walked over to the window and stared outside, lost in her own thoughts while she waited for their client to be brought in.

The sound of the door being opened jarred her out of her thoughts and she turned around to face the man she would be representing. He shuffled into the room, shoulders slumped, hands handcuffed in front of him.

Chief Petty Officer Kevin McCallister. Accused of assaulting and beating nearly to death Leslie Collins, his girlfriend of almost three years.

A neighbor had heard them arguing and called the police. When the officers had arrived, they'd found McCallister standing over her unconscious body, his hands covered with her blood.

He claimed to have gone for a walk to cool off and came back and found her like that. Unfortunately, there were no witnesses, nor did the neighbors see anybody else leaving the house.

He was shorter than she had expected.

"Take those handcuffs off of him, Corporal."

Harm's words cut into her thoughts.

"I'm sorry, sir, but I'm required to keep them on him. It's for your own protection." He looked at Harm for another moment then glanced pointedly at Loren.

Despite her own apprehension about being around the man, Loren bristled at the guard's implication. She opened her mouth but before she could say anything Harm spoke again.

"That wasn't a request, Corporal." Harm said, standing up. "And I think I can handle things if he tries to get out of control."

That was most definitely true, Loren thought, looking at the two of them. Harm was almost a head taller than McCallister with broader shoulders and a more muscular physique. Loren saw the young Corporal glancing back and forth between the two men for a moment then apparently come to the same conclusion. She settled into her chair as the Marine undid the restraints before leaving the room. Harm waited until McCallister was seated, rubbing lightly at this wrist, before resuming his seat.

"Chief McCallister," Loren began, "I'm Lieutenant Singer and this is Commander Rabb." Loren paused, then unsure what to say next, continued lamely. "We're your lawyers."

McCallister turned to look at her, fixing her with his piercing ice blue eyes. "Have we met before? You seem familiar."

"Ah, no." Loren said, a little thrown by the question and his soft southern drawl but trying not to show it. "I think that would have been something that I would remember. Now, about your case," she said, trying to get the meeting back on track. The sooner they finished this, the sooner she could leave. "The prosecution has indicated that they aren't opposed to a plea bargain. I think you should consider it, Chief."

"I'm sorry ma'am," McCallister said, shaking his head, "but I just can't do that. I can't plead guilty to something I haven't done. I didn't hurt Leslie. I couldn't hurt her. I love her ma'am. And when she wakes up, she'll tell everyone that."

Of course he would say something like that.

Loren pursed her lips. "I think you should reconsider Chief. If convicted, you could end up facing a lot more jail time."

But McCallister just shook his head. He opened his mouth as if he was going to say something then closed it with an audible click. His eyes widened and he pointed a shaky finger at Loren.

"Lieutenant Singer. Now I know why you seemed familiar. I read an article about you, about how you were attacked..." He trailed off for a moment, then continued more determinedly. "I think I want a new lawyer. I don't think someone who'd been the victim of an assault can properly defend someone accused of the same crime." He shook his head, muttering under his breath. "No wonder you want me to take a plea."

Loren stared at him in shock but before she could respond Harm spoke up.

"That is, of course, your right Chief. But I would reconsider if I were you. Lieutenant Singer is a fine lawyer, one of the best JAG has to offer. And she does not allow her personal life to interfere with her professional responsibilities. Ever. And if there's one thing she hates above all else, it's losing."

Surprised, Loren turned towards Harm but he was focused on McCallister. Unable to take the intensity of his stare, the other man looked away, before dropping his gaze to his lap.

"Um, well, maybe I was a little hasty there. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to at least hear what you guys have to offer."

"Good." Harm nodded. "The first thing we have to offer is to listen to your side of the story. So why don't you tell us what happened."

McCallister nodded, then looked back up at them, a pinched look on his face. He obviously wasn't looking forward to reliving the memories of that night.

"Well I guess I should start off by telling you guys that I have a really bad temper. Even to the point of violence sometimes, but I _never_" he stuck his finger out to emphasize his point "_never_actually hit anyone. Especially not Leslie. Mainly I had a tendency to put holes in the walls.

"But I've been trying to get help with that. For the last year and a half I've been seeing an anger management councilor. Billy. He's been helping me get a handle on it."

Harm nodded, jotting notes on a legal pad he had pulled out. "That's a point in your favor Chief. We'll need to know how to get in contact with him so we can talk to him directly."

"Of course." McCallister said.

"So what set you off the night in question?" Loren asked.

McCallister frowned at her a little, as if he still wasn't sure about her, but answered honestly enough.

"Leslie accused me of cheating on her. She'd seen me out somewhere with Petty Officer Janecks, one of the people in my unit, and thought I was seeing someone else behind her back."

"Were you?" Harm asked.

"Of course not!" McCallister insisted emphatically. "I tried telling Leslie that but she didn't believe me and things just kept escalating. So I left. Went for a walk to cool down. Billy says when you get in a situation where you're starting to lose control, get out of that situation. Calm down. Then when you're clear headed you can try to figure out what really set you off so you can work on keeping it from doing that in the future."

Loren arched an eyebrow. "But you were already back when the police showed up. You managed to clear your head in just a couple of minutes? And felt enough in control of yourself to go back to the situation that had set you off in the first place?"

"I went back for my phone, ma'am." McCallister said. "Once I got out there I decided I needed to talk to Billy about what had happened. But I hadn't brought my phone with me. So I went back to the house for it. And found Leslie..."

McCallister broke off, covering his mouth with his hand while he fought for control.

"The police arrived a few minutes later." McCallister said when he was finally able to speak again. His voice was flat, emotionless. "They found me standing over her, my hands covered in blood because I had been trying to see if she was still alive, ma'am."

"Why didn't you call 911?" Loren asked.

"I guess I was in shock ma'am. As you pointed out, I was only gone for a few minutes. Why would anyone do that to her?"

Loren was silent, not having an answer to that. Loren stared at Chief McCallister, at the misery in those brilliant blue eyes of his. There were several things about his story that seemed just a little_ too _convenient. But all the same she found herself believing him, believing in his innocence. She exchanged glances with Harm.

"Okay Chief." Loren finally said. "We'll see what we can do."

As she gathered up her notes a few minutes later, her mind was already running ahead to what they would need to do. First, they'd need to talk to the anger management councilor, as well as the petty officer McCallister had been seen talking to. Then...

* * *

Harm followed Loren into her office and watched as she absentmindedly set her briefcase on her desk before sitting down in her chair and staring off into space. She hadn't said a word the whole way back, lost in her own thoughts. Harm watched her for another minute before turning to leave the office.

"We'll have to file a motion requesting a continuance. With Lindsey's trial" her voice caught slightly when she said his name "starting in a few days we won't have enough time to do all the prep work for this one before the current trial date."

Harm turned back around, a twinkle in his eyes. "So you've given up on the plea bargain idea?"

Loren narrowed her eyes at him but before she could say anything a young man wearing a visitor's badge and carrying a large paper bag stepped into her office.

"Delivery for a Commander Rabb?"

"Oh good." Harm said, pulling a handful of bills out of his pocket. "Perfect timing."

He gave the kid the money and took the bag from him. He turned back to Loren, pulling a couple of Chinese food containers out of the bag as he walked over to her desk.

"I wasn't sure what you liked so I got a variety of vegetables and noodles." He set the containers down on her desk, along with a couple pairs of chopsticks and a handful of fortune cookies. "Help yourself."

Loren stared at him in shock, wondering just when he'd arranged this. And why.

"What is this?"

Harm gave her a strange look. "Dinner. We're going to be working late and I don't know about you but I work better on a full stomach."

"I've been pushing the plea bargain idea this whole time. How did you know that I would change my mind?"

"I didn't." He threw her one of his flyboy grins. "But I was kinda hoping that you would."

They stared into each other's eyes for a long moment before Harm stirred. Dropping down into one of the chairs on the other side of her desk, he reached for one of the cartons of vegetables.

"Come on. Dig in." He said and watched as Loren reflexively grabbed one of the containers of noodles. "It's going to be a long night."


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

A/N: Thank you so much to everyone who's stuck with me! I so appreciate you guys! I hope you enjoy this next chapter :)

1015 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

Harm and Loren sat on a bench outside the courtroom and watched people slowly make their way inside. As witnesses in the case, they weren't allowed in the courtroom until after they'd testified.

Glancing down the hall, Loren stiffened at the sight of Commander Lindsey stepping out of the elevator, flanked by the pair of Marine guards escorting him to the courtroom. He was dressed in uniform but his hands were handcuffed in front of him.

She felt a stab of fear run through her. Without thinking she reached over and took Harm's hand, tightening her grip on it the closer Lindsey got.

Harm squeezed her hand reassuringly, feeling the by now familiar emotional response to her touch. He ignored it though, still unwilling to admit to himself what it might mean. Turning his head, he watched with Loren as Lindsey walked towards them.

Lindsey walked by them without a word but the glare he gave them as he passed by said it all. Loren shuddered. And for a moment it was like she could feel icy water closing over her head.  
_  
Stop it!_ She told herself fiercely._ It didn't happen! He didn't throw you in the river._

She turned to look at the man sitting next to her._ Because of him. _Slowly she felt her heartbeat return to normal.

Loren cleared her throat nervously. "I never thanked you Commander."

Taken by surprise, Harm turned from watching Lindsey and Turner having a last minute conversation while the guards removed the handcuffs. He frowned down at Loren. "For what?"

"For saving my life." Loren paused. "Thank you."

Harm stared at her for a long moment, an unreadable expression on his face. Finally he gave a short, jerky nod. "You're welcome."

Loren nodded back then faced forward again, grateful that he hadn't tried to brush it off as no big deal.

Off to the side, the courtroom doors swung closed, signaling court was now in session.

Not knowing how long it would be until Mac called him to the stand, Harm settled in to wait, enjoying the feel of Loren's hand still in his. He took the opportunity to surreptitiously look her over. He frowned when he noticed the bags under her eyes that she'd tried to hide with makeup.

Apparently he was a little more obvious than he'd thought he was because after only a minute or two Loren turned to look at him.

"Is something wrong Commander?" There was a slight frostiness to her tone.

And then, as if just realizing her hand was still in his, she pulled her hand back. Harm tried to hide the sudden pang he felt at the loss of contact with her but he must not have been very successful with that either. Whatever she saw on his face caused her forehead to furrow slightly in confusion. But only for a moment. And then her eyebrow was arching as she waited for an answer to her question.

"Are you sleeping okay?" Harm asked, not really knowing what else to say.

It turned out to be the wrong thing to say. Loren's expression became an emotionless mask and although she didn't move an inch there suddenly seemed to be a vast distance between them.

"I'm sleeping fine." She snapped, her voice frigid.

Harm recoiled, belatedly realizing he'd struck a nerve. But before he could say anything though, Loren turned away from him, arms crossed over her chest, signaling an end to the conversation.

Loren sat there like that, trying to ignore the guilt she already felt over snapping at the Commander. It wouldn't go away though and she was on the verge of apologizing when the courtroom doors swung open again. She felt a sudden stab of apprehension as the bailiff nodded to her and she glanced at Harm as she stood up. She could see in his eyes that he wasn't mad at her for snapping at him earlier and she released the breath she hadn't even realized she'd been holding.

"Good luck." He said quietly.

She nodded at him, then squaring her shoulders, she walked into the courtroom.

Loren tried not to look around as she walked down to the front of the courtroom and the witness box that awaited her but somehow the details still impressed themselves on her. The hushed whispers of the spectators as she passed them; Commander Turner, seated at the defense table next to his client, his fingers steepled in front of him and a pinched look on his face; at the prosecution table Colonel Mackenzie conferred quietly with a co-council Loren had never seen before. And off to the side, the members, all of them giving her looks of sympathy. Or perhaps it was just pity. Trying to ignore that last thought, Loren stepped into the witness box and took her seat.

Mac glanced over at the members for a second before standing up. She smoothed her skirt down as she walked towards the witness stand. Towards Loren.

Loren shifted nervously in the chair but her voice was steady as she repeated the oath.

"How are you doing today Lieutenant?"

"I've been better ma'am." Loren answered truthfully.

"I'm sorry to hear that Lieutenant. Hopefully the outcome of these proceedings will help a little bit with that."

"I hope so too ma'am."

With the pleasantries now out of the way, Mac got right into it.

"Please tell the court, Lieutenant, how you came to know the defendant."

Loren hid a grimace. It was obvious to her where Colonel Mackenzie wanted to go with this. Not that she could really blame her. In the other woman's place she would probably do the same thing.

"We first met a little over a year ago at a Christmas Eve church service we both attended. I introduced myself afterward. He was a fellow lawyer as well as a member of the SECNAV's staff. I thought it would be a good networking opportunity." Loren finished lamely.

Mac chuckled. "And how did that work out for you Lieutenant?"

"Not well." Loren answered ruefully. "He seemed kind of distracted and excused himself after only a few minutes. I didn't really expect to see him again, except maybe on official business." She paused for a second. "I wish I had never seen him again."

"I'm sorry." Mac said sincerely. She gave Loren a minute before continuing. "When was the next time you saw him?"

"It was almost six months later. I had testified at a Congressional hearing investigating the dirty nuke incident involving the Seahawk battle group last May. Commander Lindsey had accompanied the SECNAV when he was called before the committee...and watched his boss lose his job before he was even done testifying. We ran into each other afterward and started talking. The conversation continued over a couple of drinks later on." Loren hesitated a moment before continuing. "The evening ended with us getting a hotel room."

Out of the corner of her eye Mac saw a couple of the members stir in their seats. Not surprising, which was why she'd opted to get this little time bomb out in the open in the beginning. That way the members wouldn't be distracted by its revelation when they needed to be focused on the evidence being presented. That was her hope anyway, along with the hope that dealing with it now meant it wouldn't taint how they viewed the evidence later. With that in mind she pressed on.

"So you were having an affair with Commander Lindsey, Lieutenant?"

"Yes ma'am." Loren said quietly.

"And was this an exclusive relationship? Exclusive on your part, that is, Lieutenant?"

"No ma'am."

"To the best of your knowledge, though, was Commander Lindsey aware that you had other lovers?"

"He was unaware ma'am."

Mac nodded. "So when you found yourself pregnant last fall, he had every reason to believe he was the father."

"He did ma'am." Loren looked over at the defense table. Lindsey looked as if he'd just bitten into something sour while Commander Turner looked as if he wanted to object but wasn't sure on what grounds.

"Was he the father of your baby Lieutenant?"

Loren looked back at Colonel Mackenzie.

"No ma'am he was not." Loren answered emphatically.

Mac was quiet for a moment, letting that statement sink in. Then she continued.

"Tell us about the night of the attack Lieutenant."

Loren took a deep breath and let it out slowly. She looked directly at Colonel Mackenzie, unable to look over at the members and unwilling to look over at the defense.

"Commander Lindsey wanted to talk to me about the baby. We met out there on that bridge that night so that his wife wouldn't find out. We...argued. I turned to go but he grabbed onto my arm to stop me. I tried to pull out of his grip and in the process slipped on a patch of ice." Loren paused and wiped at the tears that had started falling. "The next thing I remember is waking up in the hospital and they were telling me that my baby was dead."

"Objection, your Honor." Commander Turner stood up. "As tragic as the loss of Lieutenant Singer's unborn baby is, it has no bearing on this court martial. We're here to try to decide whether or not my client tried to kill _Lieutenant Singer_."

"Sustained. The members will disregard the witness's last statement." The judge looked over at Mac. "Move along councilor."

"Yes your Honor." Mac said. She turned back towards Loren. "Was there anyone else at this meeting with you Lieutenant?"

"No ma'am." Loren said, shaking her head.

"Was there anyone else who _knew_about this meeting?"

"No ma'am."

"One final question Lieutenant. Do you recall there being anyone else around you and Commander Lindsey that night?"

Loren thought about it for a moment. Then she shook her head. "No ma'am. It was just the two of us out there."

"Thank you Lieutenant." Mac gave Loren a sight nod then turned and walked back over to her seat.

Loren watched her for a second, then turned to look at the defense. Commander Lindsey was whispering emphatically to Commander Turner. Sturgis appeared to be listening with only half an ear, nodding his head politely while he skimmed over his notes. Then something Lindsey said seemed to register and Sturgis turned towards him, a look of disbelief on his face. Sturgis said something to Lindsey, causing him to nod and whisper emphatically again. Sturgis glanced over at the members, a thoughtful look now on his face.

Loren felt a lump of ice crystallize in the pit of her stomach.

"Did you have any questions for the witness, Commander?" The judge asked, a note of impatience in his voice.

The words brought Sturgis out of his thoughts. He looked up at the judge.

"My apologies your Honor." He stood up. "I do have a few questions for Lieutenant Singer."

He walked slowly towards the witness stand.

"You didn't see anyone else out on that bridge that night Lieutenant?"

Loren hesitated a moment. That wasn't the question she had been expecting.

"I already testified that I didn't Commander." Loren finally said, a bit testily.

Sturgis nodded and turned around, taking a few steps away from her. "Not even Commander Rabb?"

Finally seeing where he was going with this Loren again hesitated a moment, causing Sturgis to repeat his question.

"Lieutenant, did you see Commander Rabb?"

"No." Loren said through gritted teeth.

Sturgis spun back around. "So you didn't see Commander Rabb, who was close enough to the scene to get there in time to save you, but yet you would have us believe you when you said there was no one else around that night."

"Objection!"

"Overruled. But I expect the next thing to come out of your mouth to be a question, Commander."

"Of course your Honor." Sturgis paused a moment, then turned back to Loren. "Tell us about the argument."

And there it was.

"What?" Loren asked, playing dumb in the vain hope that he wasn't going where she knew he was going. She glanced over at Colonel Mackenzie, hoping the other woman would object and stop this but she was just sitting there a puzzled look on her face.

"The argument, Lieutenant. The one that precipitated this whole mess. You testified that my client didn't know that he wasn't the father of your child. If the two of you weren't arguing about the paternity, what were you arguing about?"

Loren stared at Commander Turner. Her mouth moved but no sounds came out. She glanced over at the defense table and saw Lindsey smirking at her.

"Having trouble remembering, Lieutenant? Perhaps I can refresh your memory."

"Objection!"

But Sturgis just kept going. "Did it have anything to do with the money Commander Lindsey brought with him that night?"

"No!" Loren said emphatically. "I didn't want his money. I never asked for it."

Sturgis nodded agreement. "That's right Lieutenant. Because you demanded something else didn't you?"

"Objection." Mac repeated.

Again Sturgis just kept talking over her.

"You wanted Lindsey to help advance your career. And if he didn't, you threatened to tell his wife about your affair and about the fact that you were pregnant. Isn't that right Lieutenant?"

"Objection!" Mac was on her feet now.

Loren stared at Lindsey while the two lawyers argued back and forth. She could lie. It was her word against Lindsey's. And surely he wouldn't risk a cross examination just to refute her. But she couldn't stand the thought of telling another lie. She'd told enough already. And she hated who she'd become because of it.

Loren hung her head. Tears streamed down her face. "Yes."

Mac stared at her incredulously for a moment before remembering herself. "Your Honor!"

The sound of the banging gavel echoed through the room. "Commander Turner!"

"Who was the baby's father Lieutenant?" Sturgis continued as if he hadn't heard the judge.

Loren's head shot up. All the color had drained from her face. "The father?"

"Objection your Honor." Mac glanced back at the closed court room doors for a second then turned back to the bench, thinking quickly. "As Commander Turner himself pointed out, the baby has no bearing on these proceedings. Not to mention the fact that  
Lieutenant Singer has stated under oath that Commander Lindsey was not the father. As an officer of the United States Navy and an officer of this court, that ought to be enough."

"Sustained. One more stunt like that and I'll hold you in contempt Commander."

"My apologies your Honor. I have no more questions for this witness your Honor." Sturgis started to turn away. "I think we've all heard enough anyway."

Loren looked over at the prosecution's table. Mac had dropped back into her seat but was squeezing her pen so tightly Loren could see her white knuckles from all the way across the room. _Probably trying to figure out who she's more angry with right now: me for being stupid enough to try to threaten and blackmail a superior officer, or herself for just assuming she knew what our argument was about._

"Redirect, Colonel?"

Mac took a deep breath, the judge's words cutting into her thoughts. She still had a case to win. What Loren tried to do to Lindsey didn't excuse what_ Lindsey _had tried to do to her. "Yes your Honor."

After taking a moment to gather her thoughts, Mac stood back up and walked over to the witness stand.

"Lieutenant, were you trying to get away from Commander Lindsey that night?"

"Yes ma'am."

"And did he physically attempt to stop you?"

"Yes ma'am."

"And did that attempt result in your fall?"

"Yes ma'am."

"Thank you Lieutenant. No further questions."

The judge looked at Loren. Was it her imagination or was there a look of contempt there. "The witness is excused. Call your next witness Colonel."

"Thank you your Honor. The government calls Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr."

As the courtroom doors opened, Loren made her way towards the back. Once again she tried to ignore the whispers of those in the courtroom. She passed Harm in the aisle but wouldn't look at him.

Harm took his seat, waiting for Mac to finish her whispered conversation with her second chair so she could swear him in. He glanced around, trying to understand why the atmosphere in the courtroom was so charged. That was when he noticed Loren. Instead of leaving the courtroom, she had taken one of the empty seats in the last row. Harm frowned. Even though she already knew the facts of what had happened, it was different to sit in court and hear all the details during testimony.

But Mac was already up and approaching the witness stand now, so there was nothing he could do about it. With a mental shrug of his shoulders, he set aside his worries and focused on what needed to be done.

After he was sworn in, Mac seemed to pace around the front of the courtroom. Harm shifted in his seat, waiting for her to ask a question. Finally she turned to face him.

"Commander, you were on the public walkways over the Potomac River on the night in question?"

"I was."

"Please tell the court what exactly you saw."

"I had been out walking around." Harm began. "I came across a couple of people, one of whom was lying on the ground. It was pretty icy on the walkways, I had nearly fallen myself a few times, so at first I had just assumed that the one person had slipped on the ice and the other was helping them up. Until I realized that the way he was lifting her up was all wrong...and that he meant to throw her in the river."

"Objection. Assumes facts not yet in evidence." Sturgis called out from his seat.

"Sustained. The members will disregard that last statement."

Mac grimaced but continued with her questioning. "What did you do then Commander?"

"Well I shouted at him, called out for him to stop, and started running over there. Apparently I startled him because he dropped the body and took off running."

"Did you chase after him?"

"No." Harm shook his head. "By that time I had reached the body and noticed the blood. It was at that point that I recognized the victim was Lieutenant Singer. I called the paramedics and tried to stop the bleeding."

"Did you get a good look at her attacker?"

Harm shook his head again. "No. It was too dark and he was too far away. I did notice he was wearing a Naval Officer's uniform jacket though."

"So Lieutenant Singer was meeting with a Naval Officer that night and then a short time later one was seen fleeing the scene after attempting to kill her. What are the odds they were two different people?"

"Objection your Honor." Sturgis said, standing up.

"Sustained. Watch it Colonel."

Sturgis sat back down but Harm saw him glancing over at the members, no doubt wondering if the damage had already been done. From the looks on the faces of a couple of them Harm would say that Mac had been successful in linking his and Loren's testimony in the minds of the members. Sturgis would have his work cut out for him on the cross.

"I have no further questions for this witness your Honor."

Mac's words brought Harm out of his thoughts. He turned towards the defense table as Sturgis stood up, trying to prepare himself for any attempts the other man might make to twist his words around.

Sturgis started to say something, then stopped, apparently deciding to take a different approach.

"What were you doing out by the river that night, Commander?"

"I was going for a walk."

"Awfully late to be going for a walk don't you think?"

"I had a lot on my mind. I needed to clear my head."

"Like what?" Sturgis held his hand up as if to forestall Harm's answer. "Let me rephrase that. Did it have anything to do with your meeting with Lieutenant Singer earlier that evening?"

"That was part of it." Harm admitted grudgingly.

"Quite an argument you two had, from what I heard. Just how angry with her were you?"

"I'm not sure I understand the question Commander." Harm said testily. He was starting to see where Sturgis was going with this and he didn't like it. At all.

"Then let me elaborate Commander. Were you angry enough to try to kill her?"

Harm's face went beet red in anger at the allegation but Sturgis kept talking.

"We really only have your word that there was someone else there that night. Lieutenant Singer was unconscious during the actual attempt on her life. And you were NCIS's main suspect until Lieutenant Singer woke up."

Harm took a deep breath, struggling to control his temper. He glanced back at Loren and saw she was just as upset about Sturgis' allegations.  
_  
He's just doing his job._ Harm told himself over and over again. _This isn't personal._

"Why would I call the paramedics?" Harm finally said. "Why would I stay with her till help came, and sit by her bedside for days afterward waiting for her to wake up if I had been the one to do it?"

"No." Harm said, shaking his head. "It was your client. And even if, for argument's sake, we say somebody else tried to throw her in the river, he was still the one that was there when she fell and hit her head. When she was lying on the pavement bleeding out. If somebody else tried to kill her it's only because he left her, an unconscious pregnant woman, to bleed to death."

Harm looked back at Loren again. She had gone pale and for a moment Harm wished that she hadn't had to hear that.

Sturgis didn't say anything for a long moment. When he finally spoke, he didn't look Harm in the eye.

"I have no further questions for this witness."

"Redirect?"

Mac looked up. "No your Honor. I think the defense pretty much covered it all."

"Very well. On that note then, court is in recess for the day. We will resume tomorrow at 1000." The judge slammed his gavel down once before getting up and leaving the courtroom.

Loren let out a shaky breath. Part of her wished she had just left after testifying while the other part of her was glad she'd stayed. She watched Harm leave the witness stand and walk over to the prosecution's table, no doubt wanting to discuss with Mac how she thought the case was going after their testimony. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Commanders Turner and Lindsey engaged in a heated conversation but all her attention was focused on Harm and Mac.

She watched Mac glance back at her before speaking earnestly to Harm. Loren felt an icy hand grip her heart and squeeze. She was telling him. A moment later her suspicions were confirmed when Harm looked over at her in shock and hurt. Loren felt that icy hand tighten its grip. She watched as Harm took a step towards her but Sturgis' approach stopped him before he could get very far. The hurt look was still in his eyes but Loren couldn't bare to see it anymore. Turning, she slipped out of the courtroom.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

0930 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

"Commander, can you track down this case reference for me please?"

Without looking up from the notes she was jotting down on a legal pad, Loren held out a scrap of paper to him.

Harm ignored the paper, staring down at her in astonishment. "Aren't we even going to talk about this?"

Loren looked up at him in surprise, her outstretched hand falling back down to her desk. "What's there to talk about? You _asked_to be second chair on this case so you tacitly agreed to gopher assignments like this."

"I'm not talking about finding the reference." Harm said testily. "I'm talking about what happened in court yesterday."

Loren went back to jotting notes on her legal pad. "Again, nothing to talk about. While I admit it is disappointing to not be able to see the look on Lindsey's face when the members came back with a guilty verdict, him giving up and accepting a plea deal  
wasn't all that unexpected."

Harm gritted his teeth against Loren's attempts to avoid the real thing he wanted to discuss.

"I'm talking about what you admitted to doing on the stand."

Loren set her pen down and looked up at him, a glare on her face. "There's nothing to discuss there, either Commander. I did what I had to do for the sake of my career. If I had it to do all over again, I would."

Harm stared down at her. "I don't believe you."

Loren shrugged. "Believe what you will Commander. It doesn't change the facts."

She held out the scrap of paper to him again. "Now. My reference?"

"You're really something, you know that?" With a growl, he snatched the paper out of her hand and stormed out of the room.

Loren watched him go, feeling an inexplicable sense of loss.

Harm stalked down the halls towards the law library, junior officers and enlisted personnel scattering out of his way, as he thought about how wrong he'd been. Because Loren Singer had shown herself to be nothing more than an Ice Queen, a Bitch who was only interested in furthering her career. And he tried to ignore the real reason why her actions and words felt so much like a betrayal.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

0205 local time  
114 George Washington Blvd  
Washington DC

..._"Please! Stop!"_

_She redoubled her efforts but wasn't able to draw any closer to the hazy shadow of a man that was in front of her._

_Desperately she reached out. "Please! Give me back my baby!"_

_At that the shadow stopped and turned around, revealing the face of Theodore Lindsey. Cradled in his arms was a peacefully sleeping infant._

_She tried to move towards him but was unable to._

_Lindsey looked down at the baby in his arms then back up at her. "Why should I give her to you. You don't deserve to be a mother. In fact, you don't even deserve to live."_

_Suddenly she found herself dangling from the bridge railing. Lindsey stood over her, watching as she slowly lost her grip._

_"Please! Help me!"_

_But he didn't move and finally she couldn't hold on anymore. She fell into the darkness, the sound of fast moving water rushing up to meet her._

_"Noooo!"_

"No!"

Loren sat bolt upright in bed, her heart racing and her breath coming in panicked gasps.

Loren half turned and reached out to turn on the bedside lamp then pushed sweat soaked hair out of her face. She'd been having a variation of this dream since waking up in the hospital. And no matter what she did in it, it always ended the same way.

With a sigh, Loren threw the covers back and swung her feet out of bed. Even if she was able to fall back to sleep, she'd simply find herself back in that nightmare again.

Suddenly needing to get out of her apartment, she threw on some clothes and grabbed her car keys. And while she didn't have any particular destination in mind when she started driving, she couldn't say she was all that surprised with where she ended up.

* * *

Knock Knock Knock

The sound penetrated his unconscious and Harm groaned, rolling over in bed as consciousness slowly returned. He cracked open one eye and glanced at the clock on his nightstand. **0233**

He groaned again.

Knock Knock Knock

"Okay, okay." He called out. "I'm coming."

Grabbing a pair of jeans lying on the floor at the end of the bed, he stepped into them and stumbled over to the door. After fumbling with the locks he pulled the door open.

"Loren." He said, surprise driving away the lingering sleepiness. "What are you..."

"I didn't know where else to go."

She seemed on the verge of tears and despite his anger at her Harm's heart went out to her.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come." She turned to go.

Harm sighed. "No, it's okay." He reached out and laid a hand on her shoulder. "Come on in."

Loren sat huddled on the couch while Harm went into the kitchen. He started heating up some water while rummaging through his cupboards, finally finding what he was looking for shoved in the back corner of the far cabinet. It didn't take very long for the water to start boiling and in short order he had a cup of chamomile tea fixed up. He walked back into the living room and handed it to Loren. She hesitated a moment before reaching out to take it, sipping at it mechanically.

Slowly at first, she started talking, pausing only to sip at her tea. Harm sat there beside her, listening as she described her nightmares in vivid detail. Inside he felt like kicking himself. Once again he'd misjudged her, this time by not bothering to look past her words to see all the hurt and pain and insecurity she was trying to hide. Why she couldn't have just told him the truth the other day he couldn't say but it was clear to him now that the woman sitting next to him would give anything to be able to go back and do things differently.

Finally she ran out of words and fell silent.

"Have you talked to anyone about this?" Harm asked quietly.

"I'm talking to you, aren't I?" She said, laying her head on his shoulder. She raised her hand to cover up a yawn.

"That wasn't exactly what I meant." Harm said. "It might help to talk to someone..."

Harm trailed off as he looked down and saw Loren's eyes closed. Carefully he took the empty tea cup from her hands and set it on the floor beside the couch. Turning his attention back to Loren he saw that a strand of hair had fallen into her face. Carefully he reached out and tucked it behind her ear.

He hesitated a moment before pulling his hand back, continuing to look at her. He couldn't deny it anymore, how he felt about her. But he couldn't tell her either. The last thing he wanted was for her to think he was doing all of this because he was trying to get something from her.

Harm sighed. He started to shift around on the couch so he could lay Loren down on it. She seemed to be sleeping peacefully so he wasn't going to wake her up just to send her home. As soon as he started moving, though, she started stirring. So with another sigh Harm stayed where he was. He stretched his legs out so his feet rested on the coffee table and pulled the afghan off the back of the couch. Draping it over the two of them as best he could with only one hand, he tried to make himself comfortable.

* * *

Hovering somewhere between sleep and wakefulness, Loren was only aware of how rested she felt. She couldn't remember the last time she had gotten a good night's sleep.

The next thing she became aware of was the feeling of being pressed up against another person. Panicked, she bolted upright, pulling away from the mystery man as she tried to remember just what had happened last night. She remembered having another one of her nightmares and then going for a drive. She turned her head to look at her sleeping companion and it all came back to her as she recognized Harmon Rabb. Despite her movements he was still asleep, his head bent to the side at what had to be an uncomfortable angle.

Her lips curved up in a slight smile, touched by the discomfort he had endured for her sake. Deep inside behind all of the walls she had built up, she felt something stirring inside her. And the smile faded as panic started to kick in.

Trying desperately to untangle herself from the blanket wrapped around her, all she knew was that she had to get out of there. Finally she managed to free herself. Heading towards the door, she glanced around for anything she might have brought over with her.

"You don't have to leave."

His words stopped her cold. Loren turned around to see him rubbing at his neck, no doubt trying to work a kink out of it.

"I can make breakfast."

"No thanks, I don't eat." Realizing what she'd said, Loren tried to rephrase. "Breakfast. I don't eat breakfast."

Not giving him a chance to respond, Loren turned and fled, leaving Harm alone in his apartment.

0930 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

"Are you busy Loren?"

Loren looked up from the brief she was writing to see Harriet Sims standing in the doorway of her office.

"I'm kind of in the middle of something Harriet."

"This will only take a minute." Harriet said, walking into the room. She took a second to close the office door before continuing. "I just wanted to see how you were doing. See if there was anything you wanted to talk about."

Loren looked at Harriet, narrowing her eyes at the other woman. Then she sighed and set her pen down.

"Commander Rabb sent you." It wasn't a question.

"He's worried about you." Harriet said finally. It wasn't a confirmation exactly, but it wasn't a denial either.

"I'm fine." Loren said, a little more forcefully than she needed to. She winced as Harriet flinched.

"Okay." Harriet said, backing up towards the door. "But if you change your mind about wanting to talk..."

Loren opened her mouth then closed it again without saying anything. She watched Harriet turn around. The other woman was almost to the door before Loren spoke up again.

"I'm sorry."

Harriet froze. "What?"

The shock was obvious in her voice. Slowly she turned back around to face Loren.

Loren pushed her chair back and stood up, walking around her desk.

"For the way I cross-examined you." She didn't say when, but then she didn't have to. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that to you. I had no idea..."

"Oh Loren..."

Harriet crossed the room and enveloped the other woman in a hug. Loren clung to her as sobs shook her body.

* * *

"Well?"

"Well what Commander?" Harriet replied, turning her head to look at him as she walked through the bullpen.

Harm fell into step with her.

"Were you able to get her to talk to you? Is she okay?"

Harriet stopped. She turned to face Harm directly. "No, Commander, she's not. But she will be. You just have to give her time to heal."

Harm nodded. It wasn't what he'd been hoping to hear but he would just have to accept that.

Harriet reached out to squeeze his forearm. She didn't understand why her friend seemed to care so much about Loren Singer, even after everything she'd done, but it was obvious that he did.

"Make sure she knows you're there for her."

Harm nodded again. That much, at least, wouldn't be a problem.

* * *

Harm came up to Loren as she walked into the bullpen. He held up the file folder he had in his hand.

"I've got a few ideas about our case."

Loren turned to look at him. "You asked Harriet to come talk to me."

"Um, yes." He said, slowing to a stop. The complete lack of inflection in her voice made it hard to tell if she was angry or not. Loren had stopped walking now too. _Oh crap, there goes the eyebrow. She's mad alright._"I just thought that-"

"That that was exactly what I needed." She laid a hand on his arm. "Thank you."

Harm stopped, that being the last thing he was expecting to hear. It took him a moment to speak. "Um, your welcome.

Loren removed her hand from his arm. "Don't do it again."

Harm nodded. "Right."

He started walking again, stopping after a second or two when he realized Loren wasn't with him. He turned back around. Loren seemed brace herself.

"Commander, about what happened in court the other day... The things that were said..."

Harm held up a hand to stop her. Glancing around, he took her arm and pulled her into a quiet corner. Loren started to speak again but again he stopped her.

"Loren stop. You don't have to do this."

Loren looked up at him in confusion. The other day he had all but demanded an explanation. "But the reasons I did what I did..."

"It doesn't matter." Realizing that that didn't make any sense Harm tried to explain. "You're not the same person you were when you did those things. You've changed. And I'm sorry that for a minute I forgot that. If you do decide to tell me anything it should be on your terms, not mine."

Not sure how to respond to that Loren just nodded, blinking back sudden tears.

Then, as if to prove he meant what he'd said, Harm flashed her one of his flyboy grins and changed the subject. "Now come on. We've got a case to work on."


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

A/N: Thanks everyone for reading! And an extra thank you to those of you who left comments! Enjoy the next chapter :)

1115 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

"I don't think we can come right out and say somebody else did it." Loren said, twisting a rubber band around with her fingers as she paced around her office. "Without another suspect to present to the members, it'll just seem like we're grasping at straws."

"I agree." Harm said from his seat, tossing a tennis ball over his head and catching it a second later. "Our best bet is going to be showing how circumstantial the evidence is."

Loren continued her pacing while Harm continued to toss his tennis ball into the air.

"I'm just not sure that's going to be...enough for a..." She tried to stay focused on her train of thought but the movement of the tennis ball was distracting. She stopped pacing, causing Harm to turn his head slightly to look at her.

"Would you knock that off. Sir." But she was grinning while she said it. Before Harm could say or do anything her hand shot out to catch the falling ball. "And get your feet off my desk."

Harm grinned at her and swung his feet off the edge of her desk where he'd had them propped up. His feet hit the floor with a dull thud. He tried to school his features into a more serious expression but wasn't very successful.

"Careful Lieutenant. That almost sounded like an order."

Loren took a step towards him and tossed his ball back to him. The grin was still on her face. "I think I'll take my chances Commander."

Mac stood in the doorway of Loren's office, watching them stare into each other's eyes. She waited for them to notice her but when they still hadn't after a couple of minutes, she sighed and cleared her throat.

Startled, Loren took a step away from Harm as they both turned towards the door.

Harm glanced at Loren then looked back at Mac.

"Mac. What are you doing here?" He leaned back in his chair, a grin on his face. "Eavesdropping on our case strategy?"

Mac shook her head. "I'm here to inform you I'm amending the charges against your client."

At Harm and Loren's confused looks she continued. "Leslie Collins was taken off of life support an hour ago. Chief Petty Officer McCallister's facing second degree murder now."

At Mac's words Harm sat up in his chair. He looked over at Loren, seeing his own shock mirrored in her suddenly pale face. He looked back at Mac but she had already left the room.

Harm stood up. "I'm driving."

Loren didn't argue, just grabbed her cover off her desk and headed for the door. Harm was right behind her.

* * *

"Leslie's dead?"

Loren watched Chief McCallister sit down hard in his chair, his legs no longer able to support him. If she still had any doubts about his innocence they vanished now at the look of sheer devastation on his face.

"I'm sorry Chief." She said, the words sounding hollow even to her own ears.

"I was going to marry her." He said numbly. He stared off into space, not really seeing anything. "Instead, I stormed off and left her all alone when she needed me the most."

"What?" Harm asked, caught off guard by the unexpected comment.

McCallister blinked and finally focused back on Harm and Loren. "That's what I was going to do that night." He laughed mirthlessly. "That was the whole reason I was talking to Petty Officer Janecks in the first place - I was asking for advice on a romantic way to propose."

Harm ran his hand through his hair and glanced over at Loren. "Why didn't you tell us this before?"

McCallister shrugged. "I didn't see the point. It wasn't going to change anything I was facing."

He paused, a pained look on his face. "And it hurt, you know. To know that the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with thought so little of me that she thought me capable of cheating on her."

"I understand Chief," Loren said, "but if we're going to be able to defend you properly we need to know everything, no matter how small the detail. Or how painful."

She thought of her own omissions of the truth, and what it had cost her. What it might still cost her.

With a slight shake of her head she pushed those thoughts aside. There wasn't anything she could do about her situation now but there was still a chance to change Kevin McCallister's.

"Is there _anything _else you haven't told us Chief?"

His brow furrowed as he thought about it. Finally he shook his head. He hesitated a moment before speaking again.

"What does...what does this mean for my case?"

"It means the stakes just got a lot higher." Harm said. He stood up and clapped McCallister on the shoulder. "Don't worry though. We're not giving up on you."

McCallister nodded his head, accepting Harm's words. Then he turned to Loren, his fingers working nervously in his lap.

"Do you think you could get me out of here...so I could go to her funeral?"

Halfway out of her seat, Loren froze. She glanced over at Harm reflexively as she finished standing up. The chances of getting any judge to agree to that... But how could she tell McCallister that?

Finally Loren nodded her head. "I'll do my best Chief?"

Again McCallister nodded his head. But the look in his eyes said he'd seen the truth in hers. He remained seated as they left the room. As the guard walked in behind them Loren turned to look back, just in time to see McCallister put his head in his hands and start crying.

"We shouldn't have requested a continuance. _I _shouldn't have requested a continuance." Loren corrected herself as they walked through the halls on their way off of the base. "Colonel Mackenzie wouldn't have been able to revise the charges if we were already in the middle of the court martial."

"We weren't ready." Harm said simply.

And despite the fact that it was her actions that were the reason they hadn't been prepared for their original court date, Loren couldn't detect even a hint of rebuke in Harm's tone.

"Let's get together later and brainstorm how we're going to handle this now. We can meet at my place. I'll make dinner."

1730 local time  
North of Union Station  
Washington DC

Knock Knock Knock

Harm looked up from the vegetables he was chopping.

"Come on in." He called out. "It's open."

The door swung open and Loren walked in. Despite the briefcase she carried, she was dressed casually in jeans and a t-shirt. Her hair, released from the tight bun she wore it in at work, flowed loose around her shoulders.

She completely took his breath away.

Distracted by the sight of her, he almost cut his finger off. Cursing under his breath, Harm stuck his finger in his mouth and hoped she hadn't noticed him staring at her.

Loren walked over to the island counter as he was putting a band-aid on. She arched an eyebrow but otherwise didn't comment and Harm breathed a sigh of relief.

"Something sure smells...actually no. I don't smell anything at all."

Harm made a face and threw a mushroom at her. "That's because we're having homemade pizza and I thought I'd be nice and wait till you got here to put it in the oven so that you could have some input on the toppings."

Loren reached over and snatched one of the peppers he was slicing up. "That and you're not done with the prep yet." She grinned as he made another face at her. "What can I do to help?"

Harm nodded his head over his shoulder. "Can you grab the sauce out of the fridge? How do you like your crust?"

"Thin and crispy." Loren said automatically, walking around the island and opening up the refrigerator.  
It took her a minute but she finally found a mason jar filled with pasta sauce pushed towards the back. She pulled it out, grinning.

"So, lawyer, cook...vegetable canner?"

She turned around - and collided with Harm. Her free hand went out to steady herself and ended up on his chest, while his arms reflexively went around her waist. Loren found herself staring up into his eyes, suddenly realizing just how striking they were. And the way his arms felt around her... She felt her cheeks flush and she realized she was suddenly having trouble breathing.

They stayed that way for several long minutes.

"Um..." Harm stuttered, struggling to find his train of thought. Holding her in his arms felt just as good, and just as right, as he remembered. And he couldn't seem to tear his eyes away from her lips. The urge to kiss her was overwhelming. "I...um...have a friend. His wife likes to...can things."

Loren nodded her head but in a way that said she wasn't really paying attention to what he was saying.

She pulled away first.

"Um, here."

Loren held out the mason jar, which had miraculously remained in one piece. Harm took it and set it on the counter next to the chopped vegetables before edging around Loren to grab the baking sheet he had been after originally.

Loren took a couple more steps away from him, hoping that some more distance would help calm the sudden turmoil inside her. It didn't. She watched while he put the pizza dough on the baking sheet, spreading it out so it would be thin like she liked. They put the toppings on in an awkward silence, trying to avoid contact with each other despite the close space they were working in.

And then there was nothing to do but wait. While the pizza cooked Loren walked around the apartment, looking at the few pictures Harm had sitting out. There was a group shot of him and his squadron mates, taken out on the flight deck of a carrier, along with one of just him and his RIO in front of his Tomcat. The sight of their smiling faces and arms thrown casually over each other's shoulders caused a quick flash of something that Loren realized with a shock was jealousy. Just as quickly she pushed it aside, telling herself that she had no reason to be jealous. She kept moving. The next picture she saw was one of him and Sergei. She stopped when she found one of him and his dad. Loren picked it up, reminded that he had lost his father at an early age.

"That one was taken before his last deployment." Harm said, coming up behind her. "A couple of days later he left and I never saw him again."

"I'm sorry." Loren said, setting the picture back down. She turned around to face him. "Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if he hadn't been shot down?"

Harm frowned, sensing there was something more behind this question but unsure exactly what. Then he shrugged his shoulders. "Well sure. Every kid who's ever lost a parent probably wonders that at some point. I have to admit I've wondered once or twice whether I would have still loved to fly as much as I do, or if it was just a way for me to try to connect with a father I never knew."

Loren nodded her head. She opened her mouth to say something, then changed her mind and closed it.

Harm flashed her a tentative smile. "This line of questioning is kind of depressing councilor. Since we're going to get our fill of that once we start working, what do you say we change the subject till then?"

Loren smiled back at him. She could tell that he was curious and she appreciated that he wasn't pushing.

"Sure Commander." She said. Her grin widened. "Do you smell something burning?"

Harm spun around and raced into the kitchen. Pulling the oven door open he fanned away the smoke that came pouring out while trying to pull the pizza out.

It turned out that it was just some vegetables that had fallen off the top that had been burning. The pizza itself was fine and they set down to a nice dinner.

Afterward they spend the next several hours discussing their case strategy. In the end they decided to stick with their original strategy. None of the other facts of the case had changed.

Later on, clutching her briefcase in one hand and the leftover pizza Harm had insisted she take home in the other, she stood in the apartment doorway as they said their goodbyes. Despite the awkward start and the melancholy nature of their case discussion she had had a good evening.

Standing there leaning against the door frame, Harm noticed a stray strand of hair in her face. Reaching out he gently tucked it behind her ear, lightly brushing her cheek in the process.

"Goodnight Loren."

Loren just nodded, her skin still tingling from the brief touch. Moving on autopilot she somehow made her way out of the building and to her car. And as she drove away she knew that tonight it wouldn't be nightmares that kept her awake.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

A/N: This is Chief McCallister's court martial. My vision for this chapter was like how a tv show will cut in to the moment a person is saying the information the audience needs to hear (instead of making them sit through everything that comes before and after that moment) and then cut to the next person to hear their bit of information and so on. Not sure that it actually ended up turning out like that so please bear with me this chapter.

1125 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

"No further questions Your Honor."

"Your witness Lieutenant." The judge said, barely glancing up as he jotted a few notes down.

Loren stared down at her notes without really seeing them. She made no move to get up. Realizing nothing was happening, the judge looked up.

"Lieutenant? Do you have any questions for this witness?"

Harm glanced over at Loren. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Chief McCallister doing the same. Harm frowned slightly at the stricken look on her face. He leaned over to her.

"Are you okay?" He whispered in her ear.

When he got no response Harm looked up at the judge.

"The defense requests a short recess Your Honor."

The judge arched his eyebrow at Harm then looked over at Mac. "Does the government have any objections?"

Mac opened her mouth to reply, then glanced over at Harm. He was leaning back in his chair so he could look over at her, a pleading look in his eyes. Mac sighed and swallowed her objections.

"No Your Honor." Mac said unenthusiastically. "The government has no objections."

"Very well. Court is in recess for five minutes." He slammed his gavel down.

Harm pointed a finger at Chief McCallister. "You, don't move."

Grabbing Loren by her arm he pulled her up out of her seat and out of the courtroom. Once they were in the hallway he spun her around to face him.

"What's wrong?" He asked in concern.

Loren looked up at him in distress. "I can't do it. She just lost her sister. I can't tear her to pieces on the stand. I just can't."

Harm nodded in understanding, while at the same time thinking how this was just another example of how Loren had changed. The old Loren hadn't hesitated to tear apart a co-worker on the stand. She wouldn't have even blinked about doing it to a stranger.

He put his hands on her upper arms, squeezing supportively. "It's okay. I'll question her."

Loren shook her head. "But I'm first chair."

"Yeah. And this is why you have a _second _chair."

Loren stared up at him for a long moment. Finally she nodded her head. Harm squeezed her arms again while inwardly breathing a sigh of relief. He hadn't said anything before but he had been a little concerned about Loren questioning this witness. Reducing the victim's sister to tears on the witness stand probably wouldn't go over very well with the members. In a case already entirely too dependent on perceptions that might be the very thing that cost them the verdict.

"Now that that's settled..." Harm nodded his head to the side where the bailiff was indicating that the recess was over.

Harm let Loren precede him back into the court room. He glanced over at Mac, who arched an eyebrow at him. He nodded his thanks to her then took his seat next to Loren.

Chief McCallister looked at them as they sat down. He leaned over towards them.

"What was that all about?"

Before Harm could answer the judge came back out. Once everyone was seated again he looked over at the defense table.

"Is the defense ready to proceed now Lieutenant?" He asked with a touch of impatience.

"We are Your Honor." Harm answered for Loren.

He stood up and walked around the defense table, approaching the witness stand and the woman sitting there.

Harm took a deep breath. "Ms. Collins. First of all I want to say how sorry I am for your loss."

Deborah Collins dabbed at her eyes with a tissue. "Thank you."

"Now, you've testified that you were familiar with Chief McCallister and with his temper." Harm paused for confirmation.

Deborah nodded her head. "Yes."

"How exactly did you come to know Chief McCallister?"

"He was dating my sister." She said in a tone that said she had already gone over _that_too.

"Yes, but you knew Chief McCallister before that right? When _you _dated him."

"That was a long time ago." Deborah said defensively.

"Two and a half years isn't all that long." Harm said, turning from her towards the members.

"It seems like a lot longer." She muttered under her breath.

"Why did the two of you break up?" Harm asked, still facing the members.

Deborah looked like she'd rather talk about anything else. Grudgingly she answered. "Leslie had moved down here. She'd just finished up school. She was looking for a job around here and was staying with me until she found one and could afford her own place." Deborah paused. "I can't remember how many times I came home to find the two of them doing something together."

Harm turned back around. "So he broke up with you so he could start dating your sister."

"Yes."

"This was actually a major point of contention between you and Leslie wasn't it? You didn't speak to her for over two years afterward. And you two only just recently reconnected."

Deborah dabbed at her eyes again. "Yes. I had a...health issue. It helped me put some things into perspective. I realized I didn't want to not have my sister in my life."

"But that forgiveness didn't extend to Chief McCallister."

"Are you implying that my still being angry with him is the reason I believe he killed my sister?"

"No," Harm said, shaking his head, "just that your anger at him might be clouding your ability to see any other possibilities." Harm paused then changed the line of questioning slightly. "Did Chief McCallister ever hit you when the two of you were dating?"

"He got violent whenever he got drunk." She sneered.

"That's not the question I asked you Ms. Collins."

"He put his fist through a wall about two inches from my head once, but no," she said sarcastically, "he never actually put his hands on me."

"Thank you." Harm turned towards the judge. "No further questions Your Honor."

* * *

"And what did you find Doctor Mikos?"

"She suffered _massive _blunt force trauma to the head. Her left arm was broken in two places and she had several shattered ribs, two of which had punctured a lung."

"All evidence of an extremely violent attack." Mac clarified.

"Yes."

"Did you find any defensive wounds on her body?"

"No."

"And what does that indicate?" Mac asked.

"It indicates that the victim didn't have a chance to try to defend herself. Usually this happens when the attacker is someone the victim knows and trusts. They don't suspect the danger until it's too late."

"Thank you Doctor." Mac turned and smiled at Loren. "Your witness."

Loren stood up and smoothed her skirt down then walked around the table.

"Doctor Mikos, isn't it true that there are other reasons for a victim to not exhibit defensive wounds? For example, if someone was attacked without any warning they might not have a chance to fight back."

"Yes but the chances of that happening-"

"No buts Doctor," Loren said coldly, cutting him off. "Yes or no?"

"Yes, it's possible."

"Thank you." Loren said, then turned around and walked back to the table to take the paper Harm was holding out for her. "Now, let's discuss another of your findings Doctor."

She handed him the paper Harm had given her. "Is this the report you filed Doctor?"

He took it and glanced over it. "Yes."

"Can you please read the highlighted portion?"

"Small amount of skin cells under the victim's fingernails."

"Skin cells under her fingernails. Possibly from scratching at her attacker? Did you run any tests to see if it matched Chief McCallister's DNA?"

"We did. It was not a match."

"Thank you Doctor Mikos. No further questions." Loren turned around and walked back to the defense table, a satisfied smile on her face as she sat down.

"Redirect?" The judge asked.

"Yes Your Honor." Mac said, standing up. "Doctor Mikos, were you able to find any DNA match for the skin cells under the victim's fingernails?"

"No."

"And why not?"

"There simply wasn't a large enough sample."

Mac's eyebrows rose as if she was surprised. "Then you can't really rule out the possibility that it was Chief McCallister's DNA. More like the results were inconclusive."

Mikos appeared thoughtful. "Yes. While we couldn't positively identify him as the attacker we also weren't able to completely exonerate him either."

"Thank you Doctor."

Loren watched Mac sit back down, just barely managing to keep from snapping in half the pencil in her hand.

"Given the severity of the victim's injuries, one could expect the attacker to show signs of it. Did Chief McCallister have any bruises on his hands, split knuckles, _anything _to indicate he had just beaten his girlfriend nearly to death?"

"You mean except for the blood on his hands?" The detective asked sarcastically. "No, there was nothing."

"How about scratches on his arms or face?" Loren pressed.

"There wasn't a scratch on him."

Loren turned around and took a couple of steps away from the witness stand. "And what did Chief McCallister say was the reason he had blood on his hands?"

"Objection." Mac said, standing up. "If the defense wants to get Chief McCallister's story on the record, let him get on the witness stand and tell it himself."

"Sustained. Move along Lieutenant."

"Yes Your Honor." Loren said absentmindedly as she watched Harm write something down on his notepad then spin it around so she could read it. Her eyes met his, a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. Then she spun around again, her expression once again serious. "What was the Chief's blood alcohol level?"

"I'm sorry?" The detective asked, a confused look on his face.

"The victim's sister testified earlier that Chief McCallister got violent when he was drunk." Loren explained. "As he would have been that night if he really was the person who attacked Leslie Collins. It's standard procedure to administer a blood alcohol test when responding to domestic abuse calls. What was his blood alcohol level?"

The detective frowned thoughtfully. "It was zero. He hadn't had anything to drink, probably all day."

"Thank you. I have no more questions for this witness Your Honor."

"Redirect, Colonel?"

"Yes Your Honor." Mac stood up and looked at the man on the stand. "Does the lack of scratches on Chief McCallister rule out the possibility of the victim getting some of his skin under her fingernails?"

"No. It just means she wouldn't have been digging in very hard." The detective chuckled. "Scratching an itch doesn't usually leave any marks either but it's more than sufficient to get some of your skin cells under your nails."

"So that could explain why there wasn't a large enough sample to positively ID the Chief as the attacker."

"Objection! Outside the scope of the witness's knowledge."

"Sustained. Move along Colonel."

"Does someone need to be drunk to beat up someone else?"

The detective shook his head. "No ma'am. Unfortunately I've gone to plenty of domestic abuse calls where both parties hadn't had a drop to drink."

"Thank you. Nothing further Your Honor."

* * *

"The defense rests Your Honor." Loren said, then sat down. Below the table Harm took her hand and squeezed it encouragingly.

"Very well, we'll hear closing arguments at 0930 tomorrow. Until then court is in recess." The judge slammed his gavel down.

Loren sighed and started gathering up her stuff. They'd done the best they could with what they had. But both sides had done too good a job of raising doubt about or otherwise discrediting the testimony of each other's witnesses. So with no eye witnesses and no hard evidence it would all come down to tomorrow's closing arguments.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

A/N 1: Almost done with this. Only two more chapters after this one.

A/N 2: Make sure you read the note at the end of the chapter :)

1905 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

_The evidence presented by the government does not prove beyond a reasonable doubt..._

Loren paused and stared down at what she had just written. With a growl of disgust she tore the sheet off of her legal pad and crumbled it up, tossing it in the general direction of the trash can in the corner. It fell just short of it, landing on the floor in the middle of a pile of about a half dozen other crumbled up papers.

Loren stared at the pile with more than a little annoyance, then sighed and rested her elbows on her desk. She leaned forward so she could rub her temples with her fingers. She'd been trying to write her closing arguments all afternoon without any success. No matter what she wrote or how she wrote it, something still seemed to be missing. And she was running out of time to figure out what it was.

With another sigh Loren straightened up. Break time was over. Time to get back to work.

Two more crumbled up sheets of paper later Harm stopped by to see how she was doing. He rapped his knuckles against the door frame then walked in without waiting for Loren to acknowledge him. Loren looked up, smiling when she saw it was Harm.

Instead of taking one of the seats in front of her desk Harm walked around it so he was standing behind her. He rested his hands lightly on her shoulders. For a moment his gaze rested on the small picture frame sitting on the corner of the desk. His lips curved up in a small bittersweet smile. Loren had set out the picture of her unborn baby after her talk with Harriet. He chose to believe it was a sign she was finally starting to heal.

Looking away from the sonogram picture, Harm focused back on Loren. "How's it going?"

Loren held up her nearly used up legal pad for him to see. "How does it look like it's going?"

"I like that one." He said, pointing to one of her doodles in the margin. It was of a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.

He dropped his hand back onto her shoulder and started to gently massage them. Loren sighed in pleasure, feeling all her tension slowly begin to leave.

"Don't worry." Harm said, leaning down to whisper in her ear. "You'll get it."

His continued confidence in her was overwhelming.

"Thanks." Loren said huskily. She reached up and rested one of her hands on top of his.

"Are you hungry? You've worked way past dinner time."

Surprised, Loren glanced up at the clock on the wall and saw that he was right. She hadn't realized it was _this_late. Her stomach growled, reminding her that she'd skipped lunch too.

She turned her head a little to look back at him. "Starving actually."

As if to emphasize her point her stomach growled again.

Harm grinned. "Okay. I'll go order us some take out. Any special requests?"

Loren shook her head. "Surprise me."

Harm chuckled and left her office. Loren watched him go then turned her attention back to the task before her. It all came down to the close. After all the preparation, the investigating, the questions and the cross-examinations, it all came down to whether or not she could find the right words for her closing arguments. It wasn't fair. A man's life shouldn't hang in the balance, his fate determined by who had the more persuasive - Her train of thought cut off as it suddenly hit her. Realizing what she had been missing all this time, Loren picked up her pen and began to write.

1000 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

Loren stood before the members, her confident expression masking her nervousness. She'd never given a closing argument like this before. Usually her closes were a straightforward presentation of the facts of the case. But given all the circumstantial evidence and lack of any real witnesses, something else had been called for this time. An emotional plea.

Loren took a deep breath, trying to will away the butterflies in her stomach. Running her hand along the wooden banister, she began.

"Good morning ladies and gentleman. This case is about a lot of things. But at its heart it's about love." She turned to point at McCallister. "Chief Petty Officer Kevin McCallister is a man in love. He's not a perfect man, by any means. He has his flaws." She turned back to the members. "But he's aware of those flaws and he's taking steps to try to work on them. That's why, on the night in question, when he and his girlfriend got into a fight, he left. He left so he wouldn't hurt the woman he loved. What happened next was a tragedy. And someone does need to be held accountable. But not Chief McCallister. It won't bring justice to Leslie and it won't give closure to her family. Don't add to this tragedy by convicting an innocent man. Thank you."

She looked down the row at the members, holding each one's gaze for a moment, then nodded and turned around. She found Harm smiling at her from his seat at the defense table. He gave her a firm nod. She'd nailed it.

* * *

Loren fished some change out of her pocket then fed it into the vending machine and made her selection. She watched a bag of honey roasted peanuts slowly spin out, only to stop a second before it dropped as the machine jammed up. She stared at it incredulously for a moment then, temper flaring, she slammed her hand against the side of the machine in the hopes of jarring it loose. It didn't work, though, and she raised her hand to hit it again.

"You've got to go a little higher."

Without waiting for a response, Harm reached around her and smacked it about three inches above where she had struck it. With a shudder the machine started moving again and a second later her peanuts fell down into the dispenser slot.

Loren stood staring at it, mouth gaping open, so Harm reached down and pulled it out. He held it out to her, smirking, and she snatched it away from him.

"Show off." She muttered, tearing the bag open. She held it out to him, offering him some.

"No, I just got a lot of practice dealing with these things recently." Harm said, taking a small handful of peanuts. He popped a couple into his mouth, then continued. "You shouldn't take out your frustrations on those things anyway. It doesn't move them and you're left with a sore hand." Harm paused. "Your close was fine."

"But what if it wasn't. It seemed like a good idea last night but now..."

"It was fine." Harm repeated.

Loren took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Okay. I guess I'm just gonna have to trust you on that."

She closed her eyes for a second and when she opened them again she was back to her normal calm, collected self again. "So where did they put Chief McCallister?"

Harm helped himself to another handful of peanuts, noting that Loren still hadn't eaten any of them herself. "He's downstairs in one of the empty officers."

"How's he doing?"

"About how you'd expect."

Loren grimaced. "Come on. Let's go keep him company for a while."

She tossed her bag of peanuts, still half full, in the trash and they started for the elevators. Before they got there, though, the bailiff came out of the courtroom and signaled to them.

"Verdict's in."

Loren turned sharply to Harm. "That was too quick. That can't be a good sign."

Harm pursed his lips but didn't say anything.

A few minutes later, once everyone was back in the courtroom, the members filed in followed a minute later by the judge. Loren watched with apprehension as one of the members handed the verdict to the bailiff who walked it over to the judge. The judge glanced at it, his expression revealing nothing. He handed it back to the bailiff.

"Will the defendant please rise."

Chief McCallister rose a second or two after Harm and Loren and stood at attention. His face had gone deathly pale.

"On the charge and specification of second degree murder, we find the defendant...not guilty."

McCallister let out his breath in a woosh. He almost fell forward before dropping back into his seat. Loren let out the breath she had been holding as relief flooded through her. She felt Harm grab her hand and squeeze, and she had a sudden irrational urge to throw her arms around him. She settled for squeezing back. They turned to McCallister in unison.

"Congratulations Chief. You're a free man." Loren said.

"Thank you ma'am, for everything. I know this couldn't have been easy for you."

"But it was worth it Chief." Loren said sincerely.

"How does dinner sound Chief? A real meal, no more of that brig food. On us." Harm said.

McCallister hesitated a moment. "I appreciate the offer sir, ma'am, but there's somewhere else I have to go tonight."

Loren nodded. Of course the first thing he would want to do would be to go say goodbye to Leslie.

Harm nodded as well. "Some other time then Chief."

"Congratulations Lieutenant." Mac said, walking over to them. "I thought I had you there. That close was a stroke of genius."

"Thank you ma'am."

Harm took a few steps away so Loren and Mac could continue their conversation. He couldn't help turning back to them though, his gaze resting fondly on Loren. Chief McCallister walked up to him.

"Piece of advice Commander?"

"Sure Chief." Harm said, turning to look at the other man.

Chief McCallister nodded towards Loren. "Don't wait too long to tell her how you feel. You think you have all the time in the world...until the day that you don't."

Harm started to deny having any feelings for Loren, then looked into the other man's eyes, saw the haunted look in them. He shut his mouth, the words dying unsaid. Instead he nodded his head.

"Thank you Chief."

Harm held out his hand and the other man grasped it firmly for a second then let go. Without another word he turned and left the courtroom. Harm watched him go, wishing there was something more he could do for him. A minute later Loren walked up to him. She too stared after Chief McCallister.

"And that's the greatest tragedy of all this, that even though he won he still lost."

Harm looked down at her, McCallister's final words echoing through his head. "Yeah."

They were silent for several moments then, with a grin, Harm nudged Loren. "That offer of a celebratory dinner is still open. You did win your case after all. And you beat Mac."

"I did, didn't I?" Loren said. Then she smiled up at him. "Alright Commander, lead on."

Harm offered her his arm and Loren looped her own through it. They walked out of the courtroom side by side.

* * *

A/N 3: That's basically the end of things with Chief McCallister. Now I know everyone is asking "who's the real killer?" And the answer to that is, originally, no one. That's because when I was developing the case I actually came up with scenarios for McCallister being innocent _and_guilty. (And for anyone curious in the McCallister was guilty version Loren's close failed to persuade the members and he was found guilty. Loren started to tell him how sorry she was after the verdict was announced and he declared 'the bitch got what she deserved' along with something about Leslie having cheated on him. And as he was being led away he smirked and said he had a perfect argument for his appeal: a lawyer who was recently a victim of an assault herself and so couldn't possibly have done the best job she could have on his case.) I finally decided to go with him being innocent because I didn't think it would help Loren's progress to have him turn out to be lying through his teeth after she'd believed in his innocence so much. His advice to Harm was an added bonus.

That said, after I decided on him being innocent I went back and looked at the 'facts' of the case and realized the killer was actually the neighbor who had called the police. He was in love with Leslie (anyone else would call it a dangerous obsession) and managed to work his way into her life as a friend. He probably put the bug in her ear about McCallister being unfaithful. And after their fight he went over to comfort her/make his move. When she rejected him (because she really did love McCallister) he didn't take it very well.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

A/N: So sorry for the delay in getting this posted! My work schedule the last couple of weeks hasn't been very conducive to getting this typed up. Hopefully it will be worth the wait. You'll get a few questions answered...and maybe be left with a few more (evil grin) Enjoy!

1015 local time  
JAG Headquarters  
Falls Church, Virginia

"Excuse me, I'm looking for Lieutenant Singer's office."

Harriet looked up from the report she was working on to find a young man in the uniform of a Naval Lieutenant in front of her, cover tucked smartly beneath his arm, smiling politely down at her. Blond-haired and blue-eyed, he looked like he'd just stepped out of a recruiting poster.

Distracted by his good looks, Harriet stared up at him, her mouth opening and closing several times with no words coming out.

"Lieutenant Singer?" She finally managed to ask.

"Loren Singer." The Lieutenant clarified, his smile turning into a slightly confused frown.

"Down the hall, third door on the left." Bud said, walking up to them.

Nodding his thanks to Bud, the man turned around and walked back through the double doors.

"What was that all about? Harriet?" Not receiving a reply, Bud turned to find his wife staring after the stranger, a glazed look in her eyes. He waved his hand up and down in front of her face. "Harriet? Harriet!"

Harm walked over to them then, cup of coffee in his hand. He'd walked into the bullpen in time to catch the tail end of their interaction with the stranger. He glanced at Harriet for a second before turning to Bud.

"Who was that? What did he want?" He'd noticed a Naval Intelligence insignia on his uniform and was curious about what the man was doing at JAG.

Bud waved his hand dismissively. "Oh just someone looking for Loren. I wonder what she'd done now."

"He can investigate me if he wants." Harriet murmured, still lost in a daze.

Bud turned back to his wife, horror struck, while Harm took a sip of his coffee in an attempt to hide his smile. On Bud, the effect came out more comical than serious. Lowering his coffee cup, Harm glanced over in the direction the Intelligence officer had headed, his amused expression now replaced with one of concern. Excusing himself from Bud and Harriet, who didn't even notice him leaving anyway, he headed back to his office.

* * *

Loren stared down at the reports in front of her, forehead furrowed in concentration. Now that the McCallister case was finished, she was trying to figure out a way to bring charges against the lead NCIS agent on her case for his treatment of Harm during the investigation. So far, though, she wasn't having any success. She rubbed her temple with one hand. Maybe if she took a break and came back to it later...

"Knock, knock." A smiling blond stuck his head into her office. "I'm looking for the future first female JAG. I was wondering if you might know where I could find her?"

"Tad." Loren said, the blood draining from her face. "What are you doing here?"

"Ouch. Well, I guess I deserved that." He took a step into her office. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you when you needed me."

Realizing he had misunderstood her comment, Loren breathed a sigh of relief then immediately felt guilty for not correcting him. Standing up, she casually reached out and laid the sonogram picture face down then walked around her desk and hugged her visitor. He returned the hug, pressing a quick kiss to her cheek as they pulled apart.

"It's not that." Loren said, leaning back against the edge of her desk. "I'm just in the middle of something. And I wasn't expecting you. Besides," she continued, waving her hand dismissively, "you were away on assignment then weren't you?"

Tad grimaced. "Yeah, but I still could have at least called. Made sure you were really alright." He set his cover down on one of the chairs in front of her desk before sitting down in the other. His voice took on an edge as he continued talking. "I heard the bastard coped a plea. Doing ten years in Leavenworth before they boot his ass out of the Navy."

Loren nodded, her nervousness returning in full force. "What...what else did you hear?"

Tad looked up at her, frowning slightly. "What else should I have heard?"

Loren muttered something under her breath but before either of them could say anything else there was a knock at the door. Loren looked up to see Harm standing in her doorway. She smiled and waved for him to come in. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Tad spring up out of his seat and snap to attention.

Harm walked into her office, giving Tad a measuring glance as he walked over to Loren. He held out the file folder he had in his hands.

"Here are those depositions I was working on."

Loren nodded, reaching out to take the file from him then set it down behind her on the desk. Having deciding he liked the way they had unexpectedly complimented each other during the McCallister case (and taking full credit for the idea of putting them together in the first place) Admiral Chegwidden had assigned her and Harm to another case. It wasn't as high stakes as McCallister's had been but it was proving to be challenging in its own right.

With a slight shake of her head, Loren set those thoughts aside. Remembering her manners, she gestured to Tad, still standing rigidly at attention. "Commander, this is Lieutenant Tad Williams, an old friend from the Academy. Tad, Commander Harmon Rabb, Jr."

"At ease Lieutenant, before you strain something." Harm said, looking again at the other man, his gaze somewhat softer this time. He felt some of the tension leave his body as he realized Lieutenant Williams wasn't here on official business.

"Yes sir, thank you sir." Tad said, smiling sheepishly as he relaxed. "My last assignment, everyone was pretty lax about proper military courtesy. I think I'm overcompensating now so I don't forget to do it."

"Understandable Lieutenant." Harm said, chuckling. He continued speaking, trying to sound nonchalant. "So you two went to the Academy together?"

"Yes sir." Tad said, nodding. "Actually, Lori's probably the only reason I graduated at all."

Noticing Harm's reflexive reaction to his casual use of a nickname for Loren, Tad glanced curiously between the two of them before continuing.

"She tutored me in..." He glanced at Loren as if for help. "What was it again?"

Loren made a face at him. "Funny."

Tad grinned. "Anyway, we've been friends ever since."

Harm nodded, slightly unnerved by their easy banter. Suddenly he felt like a third wheel. "I guess I'll let you two catch up then..."

"Let's go over these later, though. Okay?" Loren said, gesturing back to where she had set the file he had given her.

Harm didn't respond, just nodded his head then left. Loren stared after him a moment before turning back to Tad. Only to find him giving her a strange look as he sat back down in his seat.

"You like him." Tad said finally.

"What?" She tried to chuckle, but even to her own ears it came out sounding lame. "Tad, he's a co-worker."

"Me thinks the lady doth protest too much."

Loren arched an eyebrow. "Shakespeare, really? You don't even like Shakespeare."

Tad grimaced. "Yeah but Chrissy does. And don't try to change the subject."

She ignored him. "You totally butchered that line you know."

"Oh, I'm sure." He said, laughing. "Was that what you tutored me in?" Then he grew serious again. "And you're still trying to change the subject."

Loren sighed. "Tad, he's a superior officer."

"I know. Which makes this not like you at all."  
_  
If only that were true._

Tad looked up at Loren, sudden understanding on his face. "Are you in love with him?"

Loren straightened up, turning away from Tad. Tad sat back in his chair, unsure how to respond.

"Have you told him?" Tad finally asked.

Loren spun back around to face him, arms wrapped around herself, her eyes welling up with unshed tears. "I can't! Tad, Lindsey and I...we were involved. And then I tried to blackmail him because of it." Her words came out in a rush. "It came out during the trial and _everyone _here knows about it! If anyone finds out they'll think I'm just trying to use a superior officer to advance my career again... He'll think that."

Tad sighed, her words confirming things that he'd already known. Not that he would have been very surprised if he hadn't known, given her past. Standing up, he walked over and hugged her.

"Your parents would have been proud if you'd spent your whole career as an Ensign." He whispered in her ear.

Loren pulled back, wiping at the corners of her eyes. She glanced at the picture frame lying face down on her desk. "I'm starting to understand that. But it's too late."

"I don't think you're giving that Rabb guy enough credit." Tad said, then flashed her a grin. "And unless I miss my guess, I'd say the feelings are mutual on his part."

Loren gave him the look that said she thought he was crazy.

Tad just laughed. He gestured to the depositions lying on her desk. "You're going to tell me that he couldn't have waited till later to give you those? It was just an excuse to get him in here. Not that he seemed all that happy with what he found once he was in here."

"You're delusional." Loren said, shaking her head. "If anything he probably thought he was trying to protect me from a Naval Intelligence investigation. He's kind of appointed himself my protector."

"If you say so." Tad said with a shrug, although the look on his face said he wasn't really buying it. Then he glanced over at the clock. "Shoot. I've got to go. I've got a briefing I need to get to."

"How convenient." Loren said, the smile on her face taking any sting out of the words. Standing on tip-toe, she pressed a kiss to his cheek. "Be safe."

"Aren't I always?"

Loren started to say something but he jabbed a finger at her before she could get a word out. "That doesn't count."

Loren just laughed. Turning around, Tad grabbed his cover and started for the door. He stopped and turned back after only a couple of steps.

"I almost forgot." He pulled a gold embossed envelope out of the inside of his jacket and presented it to Loren with a flourish.

"What's this?" Loren asked, staring at it in confusion. Tad said nothing, merely looked at her with expectation. So with a sigh Loren tore it open. A second later she looked back up at him with a smile. "You and Chrissy finally set a date!"

Tad nodded. "Six weeks and counting. Make sure you reply though. Chrissy is doing this thing with a seating chart and..." He trailed off, rubbing his forehead as if to ward off the headache he already knew was coming. Then he shook his head and grinned down at her. "And don't forget the part about a plus-one."

Loren rolled her eyes. "Don't you have a briefing to get to?"

Tad laughed. "I'll see you later Lori."

* * *

Loren flipped to the next page in the deposition she was reading, highlighting key points as she went. She glanced up past the cartons of half-eaten Chinese food scattered on her desk to look at Harm sitting in the chair Tad had been sitting in earlier. He seemed to be engrossed in the deposition he was reading, nodding his head as he finished.

As if sensing her eyes on him, he looked up. She smiled tentatively at him.

"I think this is going to work nicely for our case." Harm said, just to say something.

"Yeah." Loren said, nodding.

They fell into an awkward silence. After a minute or two Harm set his depositions aside.

"Your friend Tad seemed nice."

"He is." Loren said, setting her own deposition down. She half-smiled and shook her head a little. "He always tells people that I got him through the Academy but really it was the other way around. I was so determined to succeed that I saw everyone around me as competition. Except him. Maybe it was because, since I was tutoring him a little it meant he couldn't be my competition. I don't know. But his friendship was my lifeline."

Harm nodded but didn't say anything.

Loren paused and visibly seemed to gather her courage. "He was also the baby's father."

Harm nodded again, having been half-expecting that after seeing them together that afternoon. Even so, he felt something cold and hard settle in the pit of his stomach. He hesitated, unsure if he really wanted to know the answer to his next question. "Are you still in love with him?"

Loren shook her head emphatically. "No, it was never like that between us. The one time that we...well, we were commiserating on the sorry state of our lives. His fiancée had just broken off their engagement and, well, I was discouraged about the state of my career. Alcohol was involved and things just went a little too far."

Harm frowned a little. "But that would have been just before you left for the Seahawk. Why would you be upset about your career then?"

Loren got defensive. "When Bud got his orders to the Seahawk, it was like the Admiral was helping to advance his career. But when I got my orders, it seemed like he was just trying to get rid of me."

Harm pursed his lips but said nothing. Given that he'd had his own suspicions in that regard at the time, there didn't seem to be anything he _could _say.

"Anyway," Loren said, continuing. "We both agreed the next morning it was a mistake. That our friendship meant too much to both of us..."

"Is that why you didn't tell him about the baby?"

"I was going to." Loren said, the words coming out in a rush. "I called him from the Seahawk when I realized I was pregnant. Before I could say anything, he started telling me about how he and his fiancée had reconciled. He sounded so happy." She paused, tears welling up in her eyes. "He's the only real friend I have. I didn't want to ruin things for him."

Harm nodded to himself as things finally started to make sense. "That's why you kept refusing to name the father."

Loren nodded. "I didn't want to take the chance that it would get back to him."

Harm thought of Loren pregnant and alone, no doubt scared (although she'd never admit to that). He grimaced. "I'm sorry I was so hard on you."

"You were just trying to protect your brother. I kind of admired that, even while it annoyed me because it meant you wouldn't leave me alone."

Loren picked up the deposition she had been going through, signaling her wish to end the conversation. Harm went back to reading also. They worked in silence for several minutes.

"He's not your only friend, you know."

Startled, Loren looked up to find Harm staring at her, an unreadable expression on his face. She felt a shiver go through her.

"Is that what we are? Friends?"  
_  
Of course. What else would we be? _The words were on the tip of his tongue. But then he took another look at Loren. Something about the way she was looking at him, with a mixture of hope and fear, stopped him. And he took a deep breath and set his own fears aside.

"No. No we're not."

Her nearly inaudible sigh of relief gave him the courage to continue. He got up out of his chair and walked around her desk. Reaching out, he pulled her to her feet and stared down into her eyes.

"I love you Loren. I have for a long time now."

Loren stared up at him, blinking back tears. Everything else had faded away and all she could see was him. "I love you too Harm."

Harm smiled down at her. Slowly, he lowered his head until their lips met. It was a gentle kiss, warm and tender, demanding nothing and yet promising everything.

Finally Harm pulled back. Loren slowly opened her eyes.

"What do we do now?" Loren asked, plucking nervously at his uniform, all her fears coming back as reality threatened to crash in on their moment.

But Harm's smile eased all her fears. "I think...whatever we want."


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimers: None of this is mine  
Setting: Season 8

A/N: At long (long, long) last, the final chapter. A big thank you to everyone who's stuck with it. I'm sorry it took so long and it definitely taught me a lesson about posting stories while I'm writing them. Enjoy :)

1025 local time  
Church of the Sacred Heart  
Alexandria, Virginia

"Are you ready for this?"

Loren didn't answer, just looked up at Harm, a tentative smile on her face.

Reaching out in unison, they pulled the double doors open together and stepped through, pausing when everyone in the church turned to look at them.

"Maybe this wasn't such a good idea." Loren whispered, clutching at Harm's hand.

Harm squeezed her hand reassuringly as an usher approached them.

They hadn't told anyone at JAG yet that they were together. It was obvious, though, that a few of their co-workers suspected something was going on between them, their reactions to that ranging from resignation to incredulity. But by attending this wedding together, they were, in a sense, coming out as a couple. And, Loren had to admit, the prospect filled her with more than a little trepidation.

The usher led them to a pair of empty seats in a pew up near the front. As they walked down the aisle, Loren could see Tad, resplendent in his dress whites, already up at the altar, his groomsmen lined up beside him. He gave them a brief nod as they shuffled into the pew, then turned his attention back to listening to whatever his best man was saying. No sooner had Harm and Loren settled into their seats then the organist started playing the wedding march.

"We're late!" Loren hissed quietly as the bridesmaids made their way down the aisle.

"Hey," Harm whispered back defensively, "I'm not the one who spent an hour on my hair."

Before Loren could reply, the tempo of the music changed, signaling the appearance of the bride. She settled for a strategically placed elbow to the ribs as they stood up. Hearing a whoosh of suddenly expelled air, she grinned in satisfaction.

The ceremony itself was on the shorter side but still beautiful. When the reverend started leading them in their vows, Harm reached over and took Loren's hand, squeezing it. Caught off guard, Loren glanced over at him. Feeling her eyes on him, Harm glanced down at her and smiled. Loren smiled back and, staring up into his eyes so full of love, for a moment she saw an image of the two of them standing in a church very much like this one exchanging vows and pledging their lives to each other.

Blinking back tears of happiness at the intuitive realization that Harm wanted that future with her, she squeezed back, as if to say 'me too'. Scooting closer to Harm, she laid her head on his shoulder and he wrapped an arm around her. They stayed that way for the rest of the ceremony.

* * *

The reception was held at a banquet hall a few blocks away. The bride and groom were among the last to arrive, much to the amusement of their guests. After eating and sharing their first dance as husband and wife, Tad and Chrissy began making their rounds. Harm and Loren were sitting at one of the tables near the dance floor, talking quietly together when the newlyweds approached them.

"Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Williams." Loren said with a smile as she and Harm stood up.

Tad beamed. "Thank you. You guys having fun?"

Harm nodded.

"Commander." Tad said, letting go of his bride so he could hold his hand out to Harm. "Thanks for coming." He glanced over at Loren, a smirk on his face. "I had a feeling I'd see you again."

Harm smiled. "I'm sure you did. And just let me say, congratulations Lieutenant _Commander_."

"Yes, congratulations Tad." Loren echoed a second later.

And was surprised to realize there was none of the jealousy or bitterness she would have expected given her own career situation. Just last week Admiral Chegwidden had called her into his office for the meeting she'd been expecting (and dreading) ever since she testified at Lindsey's court martial. What she hadn't expected was what he had to say. He'd informed her that in light of everything that had happened, the Navy had decided not to prefer charges against her but she could expect to never get another promotion again. In other words, her days in the Navy were numbered.

Loren pushed those thoughts aside. She smiled up at Tad. "I'm happy for you."

"Thanks." Tad said, tugging self-consciously at his sleeve and the brand new half stripe on the cuff.

They fell into silence. Harm glanced between Loren and Tad, getting the feeling there were things the two of them needed to say to each other...even if they themselves didn't realize it yet.

"Do you mind if I borrow your new bride to take a spin around the dance floor?" Harm asked into the silence. Without waiting for a reply, Harm held his hand out to her.

Loren watched in amusement as Harm spun the new Mrs. Williams out onto the dance floor, leaving her alone with Tad. They stared at each other for a minute before Tad offered her his hand.

"Shall we?"

With a giggle, Loren took his hand and they moved out onto the dance floor...just as the music changed to a slower song. Hesitating a moment, Loren moved closer to Tad as they started swaying to the music.

"He seems like a really nice guy."

"He is." Loren agreed.

"I'm happy for you Lori." Tad said, smiling down at her. "I think your dad would have liked him."

Loren snorted and rolled her eyes. "You never even met my father."

"True." Tad said, spinning her out then bringing her back. "But on the admittedly rare occasions when I was able to get you completely drunk when we were at the Academy, you always seemed to talk about your father."

Tad paused for a second. "Have you told him yet?"

Loren shook her head.

"You should. I think he could handle it." Tad paused again. He leaned down to whisper in her ear. "And for the record Lori, I think you would have made a great mom."

Shocked, Loren stopped moving and stared up at Tad.

"Do you mind if I steal my husband back?"

Loren turned to find Harm and Chrissy standing next to her and Tad. Just when they had come up to her and Tad, Loren couldn't say. Still to shocked to speak, Loren could only nod at the other woman. She stepped back from Tad and a second later the two of them had moved off.

Harm offered Loren his arm and she took it reflexively as she started back to their table. Harm had other ideas, though, and used his grip on her to gently tug her out to another corner of the dance floor. Harm frowned slightly at Loren as they started dancing. Maybe leaving the two of them alone hadn't been such a good idea after all.

"Are you okay?"

"He knows." Loren said.

"What?" Harm looked up and over to where Tad and Chrissy were chatting with more of their guests. "What does he know?"

But Loren wouldn't say and despite his curiosity, after a minute Harm let it go, confident that Loren would tell him when she was ready. They continued to sway slowly to the music.

Harm leaned down and pressed a tender kiss to her lips. They lingered like that for a long moment. Then Loren pulled back and laid her head on Harm's chest.

"My father was almost the JAG." She said into the silence.

"What?" Harm asked, startled.

Loren just continued talking. "His appointment was confirmed and everything. He just needed to take the oath. He and my mother were killed in a car accident before he could. I was eight years old."

"I'm sorry." Harm said, holding her tighter.

"I went to live with my aunt, my mother's sister, after it happened. It was okay at first, maybe for about the first year. Then she met Jack. He was probably a nice enough guy but he had no interest in raising someone else's kid. He tried to talk my aunt into giving me up and he took out his...frustrations on me when she kept refusing. Eventually, though, he wore her down. After about a year. And I spent the next seven in and out of foster homes." Loren paused a moment. "I've never told anyone that."

Despite the heartbreaking nature of what she'd just told him, Harm felt his heart swell.

"Thank you for trusting me." He whispered in her ear. "I hope you continue to trust me because I want to know everything about you...the good and the bad."

Loren tightened her grip on him. "What did I ever do to deserve you?"

Harm stopped moving. Using two fingers under her chin he gently tilted her head back till she was looking him in the eye. "You know that's not why I love you, right? I love you for who you are, not what you've done."

Loren didn't say anything, just laid her head back on his chest.

Harm stroked her hair, feeling as if more pieces in the puzzle that was Loren Singer had finally fallen into place.

"That explains why you were so hell-bent on being the first female JAG."

Loren looked back up, a hint of a smile tugging at her lips. "_Hell-bent _was I?" Then she grew serious again. She took Harm's hand and this time he allowed her to lead him back to their table. "As soon as I was able to I applied to the Naval Academy. I used my mother's maiden name so nobody could say I only got in because of my father. I just wanted to follow in his footsteps and make him proud of me. Somewhere along the way I lost sight of that."

They settled back down into their seats and Loren toyed with her salad fork nervously for a moment before looking up at Harm with determination. "I'm going to fix that though. I'm not going to wait for the Navy to cashier me. I'm going to resign my commission."

She saw his eyebrows rise. She'd told him about her meeting with the Admiral but she hadn't shared any of the ideas she'd been considering since then. She took a deep breath.

"I'd like to get involved with advocacy work for victims of domestic abuse. Maybe even start my own non-profit." As she said it out loud she started getting more excited about the possibilities. And about the opportunities she'd have to help people.

Harm smiled at her. "I think that's great Loren."

"You really think so?"

"Yeah. Yeah I do."

Loren smiled back at him. Then she looked away. Across the room she saw Tad and Chrissy cutting into their wedding cake. Once again a picture of her and Harm on their wedding day danced before her eyes.

"It would also mean I'd have more time to spend with my family." She said hesitantly.

Harm didn't respond and slowly, afraid of what she might see, Loren turned back to face him. And felt all her fears melt away.

He had the biggest smile on his face, his eyes lighting up with joy because of what she'd implied.

"Family?" He repeated finally into the silence.

Loren nodded. "Not right now. It's too soon. But...someday."

"Someday." Harm agreed. He took her hand in his, pressing a kiss to the backs of her fingers.

"Let's get out of here." Loren said suddenly into the silence that had fallen again.

"Really?" Harm asked.

"Yeah."

Trying not to call any attention to themselves, they made their way out of the reception hall. Harm walked out into the sunlight of a beautiful spring day but Loren paused in the doorway to look at him. A wonderful man who knew all the horrible things she had done...and loved her anyway.

Realizing Loren wasn't right behind him, Harm turned back to look at her.

"Ready?" He asked, holding out his hand to her.

Loren reached out and took it. "Yes."

And stepped out of her old life and into her new one.


End file.
